What good is an apology if you don't mean it?

It’s a valid question. What do apologies mean if we just hand them out like candy? Apologies, true apologies, mean a lot to me, perhaps because they go against my very nature, which is to defend myself, no matter what. I refuse to take the blame for (nearly) anything I didn’t do, no matter how small. I suppose that’s part of my paranoia. Constantly feeling like I’m being attacked or blamed when I don’t deserve it.

I hurt a friend today. I know that. And I could’ve just apologized, said I was wrong, moved on… but I didn’t. Instead, I continued to argue on my own behalf, attempt to make them understand where I was coming from. They still don’t, and that frustrates me because I believe that I’m right.

I know that I’m not the world’s greatest communicator, so I turned to my mom for guidance. She said that I was right and that they were gaslighting me and that I should cut all contact with them. Now, I think that she’s being pretty ridiculous, but I’m being pulled apart. I know what I meant, and my mom knows what I meant because she’s my mom and she knows me, but my friend is still hurt, and I figured that, if I just did a better job of explaining myself, then they’d no longer be hurt because they’d finally understand where I’m coming from. Only that made the whole situation worse.

At this point, an apology would be more of an insult, since even without this post, it would be very clear that I didn’t mean it. Insincerity cheapens apologies, makes them go bad like Kroger’s organic strawberries.

Sometimes apologies dont need to mean anything. They’re just accepted and acknowledged for the consequences of what was said or done.


I’m on the spectrum of lacking empathy and every time I apologise I don’t really feel it. I guess I just say it to go along with the norm for social purposes. Like a social understanding. Then I move on because there’s nothing else I can do. It’s not really my fault for lacking, but I really do try to make amends.


You pleasantly surprised me with your answer.So correct and true.You must be very good at your job.Thanks for enlightenment any way.Didn’t know you work.

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Thanks @anon70049667. I’ve learned through the “school of hard knocks” so to speak. Life is a work in progress – you never stop having opportunities to learn in the “University of Life”.

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I admire you so much.

Thanks @anon70049667. :slightly_smiling_face: I’ll accept that compliment. Not because I think that I am specifically worthy of admiration but because I think that most human beings are worthy of admiration if they have a good heart :heart:.


To paraphrase a famous quote: It’s amazing what we can accomplish when nobody cares who gets the credit.

In the navy we were taught that we’re like a chain, so we’re only as strong as our weakest link. For example, our company (80 men including myself) had to perform various exercises. I remember the running exercise. I ran as fast as I could so that our company would have a fast time. I crossed the finish line, but the commander didn’t stop the stopwatch. I didn’t realize that our time was based on when the last guy crossed the finish line, not the first. I apologized to the company for breaking away from the pack–even though I didn’t know that was wrong.

If this is a friendship that you feel is worth saving, apologize.


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