My sleep schedule is getting ■■■■■■ again. I went to be at 11 or so last night. Forced myself into a semiconscious state for a couple hours. Didn’t fall asleep entirely though.
I guess I went back to bed at some point and woke up at 9:30am… Just past the midnight hour here.
It ticks around. I sleep later, wake up later, stay up later, etc. Then I’m a night owl for 2 to 3 weeks.
It’s not all that different but it’s easier to dissociate from reality. I can fool myself into think I live in some strange english speaking japanese suburb. Which brings me comfort, but also leaves me losing track of the days and bills and what not.
Hah… Life is the ■■■■ and I hate telepathy…
And so it goes and so it goes. Just going through the motions.
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If I am falling to inanimacy I’ll be laughing the whole way. Not as melodramatic as it could have been.
“I’m not sad, I understand, that’s how it goes.”
Hows the caffeine consumption? Try shutting it down in the afternoon and see if that helps.any.
How are you doing then?
You don’t seem to reveal much about your personal life.
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That would be a good thing to do. When I start drinking at noon and then pass out and wake up hungover at 7pm coffee is an automatic thing.
Without tobacco I’m still trying to figure out what to do with my time.
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Most of my personal life is fighting my depression ie stopping myself from throwing myself in fount of a train. The new therapist shortly. yarda yarda yarda been told I’m boring and dumb twice this week on the forum Guess it’s true.
Some reason it wouldn’t let me like that. So IOU.1 
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Nah man you’re hilarious.
I spend way to much time here on the forum. I know I put people off.
I don’t know man. Depression is something else. You seem smart. I’m sure you’ve thought it all through.
I don’t know what to tell you. Do you feel like its a life thing or a chemistry thing… or both?
Also spend a great of time here. Mostly trying to avoid the opposite sex.in RL. Still too confronting for me to deal with after K died. Been like 4 years now and still have issues with women sigh. Kind of answered your last question too as she killed herself. I was still messed up long before her though.
Yeah man I kind of lose track of whose story is what.
Was she sz?
So you don’t even want to get over it. She meant that much. I don’t blame you.
You ever attempt suicide? I have. ■■■■■■ up my family and more importantly the girl who saved my life.
Not a good thing to do. Just trying to relate. Have to do so inversely.
Your better off not knowing.
Still I guess conflict if she wants me to follow her. If that makes any sense. She left me and without even a goodbye. Wasn’t much of a friendship or relationship in reality just plays with my head a lot.
Dads death was just as confronting about a year before that. A Tdoc said just too much death for me to deal within a short space of time.
Look at you lol. I posted to support you and now you got me opening up. Usually me doing that. I hope you are trying to get some sleep and not using me as an excuse not to btw. TY anyway.
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Ah man I feel love for you dude(brotherly). A mind like yours shouldnt be tied in knots. I get it though. The past life of 5 years ago is something I grieve over and there wasn’t even death involved.
I can’t imagine man.
I think you need hope man, Sounds basic, but your life can resemble what you used to have or even be better than that.
Sentiment yo. I get it. Illness on top of all that. Yeah seems insurmountable.
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Your only like what 26? By the sounds of what little I know of you mostly self medicating to cope with life basically in those lost years. Way to hard on yourself as you broke free of that life. Are many still caught up in that vicious circle. Just trying to find your way now which is cool at like only 26.
A long life still ahead of you and you have the experience behind you. Some things can’t be learnt in a text books. What you have gained is all the street wisdom that you can’t get out of a book.
I hope you slept well and keep on trucking’
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