do you stop thinking about the universe and how your mind connects to it or does it make you slower or do you become an NPC or…idk. I didn’t start taking it when younger. I don’t know if it’s time to start or if I should…continue what I’ve been doing with trying to…understand the synchronicities and things? Risperdal, Prozac, Ambien to be exact? I work part time and live on my own with disorg. sz in a city. It just feels like if I think about the point it doesn’t make sense and I can’t do meaningless tasks while trying to figure out why I’m here? There has to be a point?
hi im new who are you
Hello, medication doesn’t change who I am at all but does enable me to function and not have to deal with hallucinations or bipolar moods. Given the choice I would always chose medication
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Function like what? (ex. Not being late or caring about being late to work) Sometimes people complain about the way that I function but I don’t know if their concerns merit taking medication. I heard bad things about medication at some point and haven’t trusted them since.
It slows down the endless, grasping intuitions of the mind. It turns you into a slower version of yourself, so that you become normalised. This might seem like a bad thing, but…
Lost in the ether of the eternal and complexity, it makes the “normals” other worldly. They can’t relate or understand you. It’s like you are lost on speed and hallucinogenics(whether you have taken them or not) and although these complexities are relatable to you, no one else can relate. They slow you down and make you earthly so other people can understand you.
It connects you to other people, although the highs are not so admirable, it makes you normal. Racing thoughts are a symptom of sz and not healthy for society or possibly for yourself.
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Function for me might be different from you. I’d probably be catatonic most the time without meds plus manic or depressed. With meds I feel good most the time. And all the negative side effects I have from some meds are handled by other meds 
If you are sz you would be better off on meds in my non professional opinion
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That makes sense. A lot of sense. Is it recommended for the long run then? I find that as time has gone on it has become more difficult to relate to others. Hence my creation of this account. It’s almost like I feel like everyone doesn’t care about anything but existing but they don’t know that they don’t care. But I’m not wrong to think that there’s a reason this exists right?
Ah yeah I tend to just sit at my computer for a long time. Sometimes days depending on what I’m reading. I have a flexible schedule at work so I move it around if I feel like calling out to read more. Is this something I can stop? I don’t feel any guilt or anything about calling out and I generally just…do it when I want to.
What are the symptoms of sz you suffer from?
isolation, thought disorder, probably shouldn’t think that I’m god or I can read the future in a license plate no matter how accurate it is. i don’t know how to list all of this without sounding strange and i think i just answered my own question. I have a lot of ‘delusions’ I guess. I’m pretty sure I’m trying to access a system and my physical body is the means of accessing it. If that makes sense. or doesn’t. idrk. I read a lot of theology and physics and things trying to figure out the point of the universe.
I also stopped seeing doctors around 19 so there’s that.
Yeah, see I used to have delusions and paranoia and auditory hallucinations and with meds I don’t. Well most of the time
Ah thankfully I only had a bout with paranoid delusions for a short period. That was the last time I saw the doctor. I was getting on planes and doing crazy stuff with my friends because I was having too much fun. I had done some experimental drugs in excess prior to the incident and it lasted a good while after the drugs too. But once it stopped they haven’t come back. I thought that the person who had given me the drugs trapped me in a simulation and the only way out was to die.
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Finding reason for existing and the meaning of life is everyone’s eternal struggle. Sz or not.
The individual needs to connect for meaning in life. To relate to others creates an understanding of oneself and others. We are evolved monkeys and they rely upon others as a basic notion. We are not far from this, though often we deny it to ourselves. Humans as monkeys need to relate; we need to socialise.
If others don’t understand you, then perhaps your understanding of the world has become a bit skewed. Medication might bring you back to earth and indeed others, if that is what is you want. It is not wrong to feel that, but natural.
People exist, you exist and I exist. You are not wrong to reason that some people haven’t considered their existence and the reasons why, but that is the individual’s life plan and reasoning. People care about existing, but the intellectual reasoning as to why is up to the individual’s ability and capacity. Slowing it down with medication might help you relate it to others.
I just can’t tell if I’m onto something or if I’m losing it at this point. it’s like being bombarded with synchronicities and turning a blind eye. are doctors generally good people?
I once spent a whole week trying to find meaning in unrelated twitter messages. Trying to find meaning where there is none and believing your god are definitely delusions and I would try to get rid of them as they won’t help you. I had a thing for numbers too, I found meaning everywhere and I’ll say it wasn’t good
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ngl i empathized so hard with that i’m dying laughing rn. Not that I’m the biblical god but just that there’s a reason I have access to this particular set of atoms and organic machinery outfitted with a totally private space inside my head no one can get to. Like a closed shell system.
Doctors have an intellectual capacity, otherwise they wouldn’t get their degree. They abide by DSM criteria and diagnose you from that. Being here on this site it would seem you relate to sz. They do not relate to sz delusions as such or necessarily understand them, but they know how to make you understand and relate to normality. That is their aim.
Synchronicity maybe part of being not in touch with normality. The doctors will help you with that.
They come, generally from wanting to help.
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Most likely the connections you’re making are only in your own head as they were in mine and many others, as is the case. Also remembered that I used to live in a city and walking down the street I would hear bits of conversations and I could always some how figure out a way that they related to me. When normal I can tell that it’s random chatter, but when delusional it had all this deeper meaning. The mind can play all sorts of tricks. Just wanted to point that out
Also drs are good people. Some drs are better than others. Best to find a psychiatrist that will listen to you for an hour instead of 15 min
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Yeah that’s pretty much that. I once read something like “The universe speaks on the lips of your neighbors.” but I can’t remember where. I feel like spiritual stuff makes me feel better about it but I don’t know if it’s true or just an excuse. Thank you though, I will consider this.
Anytime, it helps to do some reality testing and a dr that will see you for a hour can help with that too. Besides the meds talking can really help too
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