Just curious cos I don’t know if I understand forgiveness
I wrote a poem that sums it up for me
I think of it pretty literally as when you stop blaming another person for their faults and mistakes. I don’t believe in free will, so I don’t think anyone is really to blame for anything. But that’s just an abstract belief. Sometimes the personal aspect of it takes time.
I’m a very bitter person but the moments I do let them go even if its for a bit, I realize its just hurting me.
I think forgiving takes too much energy. I usually hold it in or hold in grudges. But thats just my interpretation of forgiving. Letting go but never forgetting or trust them again.
For me, forgiveness is a process. First I have to make the decision that I need to do this for me. Then I try to understand the other person’s point of view if I can. Then I have to make the choice to let it go, over, and over and over again
I find it’s not a one-off call
For me, forgiveness is a resolution. It is saying, “that was in the past and we are both ready to move on from it”.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean absolution. It doesn’t mean the crime didn’t happen, and it doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences.
For example: If my dog bites me during rough play, then I forgive my dog, but next time I will be more careful. E.g. I might not want to play as often. If I did not forgive my dog then I would punish it every day and we would both suffer.
As I said on the other thread I look at forgiveness in a harsh way. For little things and things people do unintentionally without meaning to hurt someone, I think forgiveness is a way to let them know you accept hat they made a mistake and that you still care for them.
Now for people who intentionally try to hurt you, forgiveness is just telling them it is ok for them to keep treating you like trash. That you’ll let them- Unless you break contact and don’t let them have the chance to hurt you again.
People always like to say forgiveness is for the hurt person. That it soothes the soul. Maybe for some. To me it is just making myself a target.
I tend to be forgiving I think. I dont really hold too many grudges and I dont demand perfection from people.
Several times in my life I have held a big grudge for a month or longer. A little while ago I read, “The Book of Forgiving,” by Desmond Tutu, and it made me more forgiving. The book was quite good, but I have a whole lot more to learn about forgiveness.
The people who have wronged me had one unfortunate side effect for them. I’m always on the lookout for BS. Been the victim too many times.
I’m not bitter thanks to continuing therapy but I am definitely smarter.
To bury the hatchet. To forgive any wrongdoing.
I wish I could forgive my father’s family but they make zero effort to include me in their life. Not to mention some of them have said some pretty shitty things to me. I don’t like holding grudges, but they’re a bunch of white trash.
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
For me forgiveness is about accepting what the other person did and by putting it into the past. Remember, forgive and forget!
I wish I’d appreciated this years ago growing up. Other people treated me really badly, and I was unable to push back
Suppose one example I can think of that comes to mind is when this guy held a knife to my face demanding I give him my spliff, then a few days later he scared off some people who were trying to bully me at school outside the gates
See with this I was just completely confused, as peoples actions contradicted each other.
Sometimes I used to struggle with processing the nice things and weighing them up against the bad, and often I did get it completely wrong
People are so complicated. I could never tell if they were just showing off, being genuine or wanted to be my friend or just use me
It was quite paralysing mentally for me.
Another example was when I was high off whiskey and ecstasy, and this guy was attacking me but I had no idea what was happening to me. He’d punched me earlier in the day, but I wasn’t even sure it had happened or not.
Think in that case I was too high to notice, but it shows the conflict in my mind with these people
I was only young, and it has coloured my perceptions of how people are even now years later. My trust in others as you can imagine is and has been at an all time low
To me forgive means to FORE - GIVE
‘Fore’ as in: before
so to forgive is to GIVE BEFORE you receive an apology
Basically to for-give their debt before they make it up to you.
its important and healthy to forgive otherwise it traps us in a place of hate and continually brooding over what other owe us, instead we should for-give them and have peace.
wish i could learn to forgive as well
To me, forgiveness is letting go of the anger and bitterness toward the offending person, while not forgetting what was done to you so you can be wise enough to not let it happen again
If you remember all the crap you did to other people or maybe even to the person who aggrieved you it’s not all that difficult of a concept.
Sorry to hear about that. It sounds rough.
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