Schizophrenia.com

What do you think? Do I believe it? Or can I conquer it?

I’m struggling. Some of you know. Last night I woke up at 4:00 am. I was half asleep and a little voice said, “You will not get back on your feet”. I don’t have auditory hallucinations, it was just an epiphany. I realized the game was up. Over and out. Kaput. The little voice was my instinct or my voice of truth. It was reality.
I was stunned. I fooled around too much and took things for granted. I tried my best but I could have done a lot more.

What to you guys think? I want your opinion. I told my sister and she said it’s not hopeless, there’s no need to panic and that I am halfway on my feet because I have a job and a car and I will be starting school soon. Do I face reality and accept that I’m probably done? Or do I fool myself and keep striving like I always have and fool myself into keeping going?

Why does reality = you’re already done? I don’t get it, Nick. You’ve got plenty of life ahead of you, so what do you think your option is besides keep moving?

Do you think maybe you’re a bit depressed? This sounds like a depression voice to me, the kind that says to me, “why bother trying? you’ll just mess it up. why bother making new friends? they won’t like you, no one does. why bother saying that? no one’s interested.” That voice sounds like reality to me, too, but it’s got nothing to do with reality.

@Kazuma, get in here. I bet you have things to say on this subject.

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You can do it! I believe you can :slight_smile: . You’ve already done so much and are certainly not done yet. The reality is that you are doing great things that inspire younglings like me to also carry on. May the potato be with you, @77nick77 !

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Thanks Sharp.
Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. I ate the sacred potato and enjoyed it.

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I have these epiphanies constantly. That im being punished that ill never find happiness. Sometimes they come with hallucinations sarcastially saying how ive killed myself and this is my ■■■■■■ up hell, congratulating me on my success at death. Its hard man but life only moves forward so u gotta get some caffeine and push forward. Its hard though i most days are bombed by thoughts that im worthless and i should just kill myself and believe me ive tried but im still here. And while im here im going to try to find happiness. The thought that helps me is “i could kill myself right now but im going to die eventually anyway so might as well see where life leads.” Its a struggle everyday to get out of bed go do ur grind and come home and do it all again but what other choice do we have. We have to make the best of it. Just keep getting out of bed and know these epiphanies could be real but they could also be false ull never really know. What also helps me is have a duality of thought, like if a thought that sticks with u like “ur life is screwed” also think of a thought that counters that thought “im still existing so im doing ok”. That duality helps me all the time like my huge delusion is “all of u are artificial and are trying to make me suffer” i then think of a dual thought to counter it like “maybe they are just human that have no idea what this craziness is either”. Always keep a duality of the mind it helps. And meditate. U can get through the day if i can then so can u. Keep ur mind open and be compassionate towards others and ull be ok.

Was that good @Rhubot

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I have likewise sinner. Baked sweet potatoes are just tooo good. Oh forgive me potato!

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Good, helpful post, Kazuma.

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That was good, Rabbit :sparkling_heart:

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I believe you can conquer it Nick. You are going through a rough time, but this too shall pass. You’re in my thoughts Nick.

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Thanks turtle…

this is exactly how everything happens in my mind, i have to push myself to fight my thoughts or else i get consumed by them and end up on the edge of a break because i will obsess until i can’t see reason to fight the bad thoughts or i start to believe them more and lose my critical thinking

i deal with the same thing on a daily basis, i am currently ■■■■■■ with schooling but working on it and i am setting up interviews but don’t have a job. always having those thoughts telling you it will never get better and that you just can’t do it, that you aren’t capable of it, or you start to feel like people around you are doing this to you, but you can’t lose your will to win, you’ve got this, you are laying the stones for your path, just keep placing them in the direction you really want, don’t stop or doubt yourself, just go with the flow, a good flow, you’ll get this bud!

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sometimes i go with the flow to see where this lead, so many terrible things i found, and i don’t think that’s a so good way…

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it seems to be the only thing helping me right now, planning out a little ahead, laying a plan, and focusing on the moment, as to not doubt yourself or your future, but i suppose i should have added that it depends upon the person, everyone is different and has their own views or ways of thinking.

hey,

Message boards like this can be toxic if your doing well. You second guess things and some people look for issues that they shouldn’t. It’s nothing new it’s just how schizophrenia attacks the core of your being. It really does.

Seriously. If your doing well you ride the waves cause you know it may not always be like that. If your negatively thinking about everything then I guess you will crash. It’s a bit like that. Keep the faith and keep on the path of what works.

Take your meds. Talk honestly with your treatment team and don’t be afraid to attack life and leave this world far behind.

You won’t miss it.

A friend in the struggle,

rogueone.

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@77nick77 I know you must still severely miss your mom and I think that’s affecting your hope scope. I have faith in you nick. You are a corker.

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Maybe you can get into the business of everyday life enough that you don’t dwell on negative things. Figure out what you need and how to get it. Then devote the rest of your energy to being happy.

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@77nick77 That “little voice” was neither truth nor reality, but rather it was born from worry and doubt. Its source was not from your instinct but more likely from depression and/or anxiety. I have found from personal experience that the early hours of the morning are often when feelings of self doubt, regret, and other negative thinking seem to loom large and also seem particularly convincing.

You have overcome many challenges in your lifetime and are a wonderful example for folks, both on this forum and in real life. You are a kind and insightful person. And you enjoy potatoes (sorry…I couldn’t resist…:grin:).

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should be proud of how much you have accomplished so far in life and to continue to look forward to see what else life brings your way.

Take care.

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Thanks for the thoughtful post Moonbeam. As I’m reading every response to my post it is helping immensely. I’m a victim of what I was telling someone on here last week. When a person is stressed or depressed it blinds them to the fact that life is not always bad or final. Stuff happens, and you carry on. Thanks again.

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