What do you feel is the hardest part of having sz?

I feel somewhat like that myself.

I have a hard time being social. At work I am very quiet. Some of the people are very judge mental. So I have to stay to myself. I spend a lot of time listening to my headphones at work. I miss being able to talk. Just a volunteer but my boss says that if I share about myself she would be forced to let me go. I like working as a volunteer, I enjoy getting out o the house. But people just donā€™t understand. Its living a secretive life. Its hiding from the world. I go to the doctor three times a month plus a regular doctor so having to explain why I am always at the doctor. I have to lie a lot at work. I hate that too. We should be able to be open. But instead I feel like an outcast. I believe no one should be judged. I never judge them at work. I treat them all the same with such great kindness. I want so much to live openly with myself. I want to see the world as an equal but it never will be for me. I hear people talk at work. They have no understanding of what we live with. I wish this world was different. I didnā€™t want this disease. It choose me over all my siblings. I got stuck with it and this is what I hate the most about it. No one has a real understanding. But they are ready to bash us. I wish it was different. I want to say to the world I am trying to be as normal as you but you wonā€™t give me a chance. Just living in secret is the hardest.

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Why does the boss at your volunteer job want you gone? You give up your own free time and they want you out the door. :angry:

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The hardest part for me is intrusive thoughts. I am switching medications to see if that will help. Also, I went to confession to confess my intrusive thoughts. The priest was very kind and said something to the effect that those arenā€™t necessarily sins, since I canā€™t control them. He did give me a very good verse from the Bibleā€“from Psalm 51 to give me something to think about when the intrusive thoughts come. It goes, ā€œCreate in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.ā€ So Iā€™ve been thinking about that a lot. I think it is helpful.

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probably being unable to lead a normal life due to the negative symptoms

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The very annoying nonsense.

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I have difficulty making myself understood.

Having itā€¦

For me the hardest part is knowing.

Using the process of elimination, I figured out what schizophrenia really is. First I figured out what consciousness was, then I figured out the overall construct of reality. Once doing so, I had a full understanding of what the role of schizophrenia was within this reality.

However, the majority of folk on this planet simply stick to ā€œbelievingā€ what schizophrenia actually is, thus they stick to less than truth. One is only dependent upon a belief if one is located at a distance from the truth, thus a believer is located within the zone of less than truth. Thus a believer is happy with their belief, thus a believer is happy with less than truth.

Therefore, if you present the truth to the believers, it is immediately rejected since less than truth is not the same as the truth itself. Believers will always only accept less than truth.

In short, if you are smart enough to figure out the all, then people will say that you are as nutty as ever. After all, believers insist that we must remain at a distance from the truth by sticking to mere beliefs, thus truth is denied, thus we must remain stupid.

The hardest thing for me right now is peopleā€™s perception of me and of schizophrenia in general. I hate when I meet a new person and they have already been told by a mutual friend of ours that I have schizophrenia. My ex boyfriend was telling all of his friends that I have schizophrenia and I just recently met a guy who also already knew I had this illness. Itā€™s my story to tell when and if I decide to. I just hate being defined by it. Its like every other attribute I have, positive or negative is overshadowed by the fact that I have schizophrenia. And furthermore, I am then defined by that personā€™s limited knowledge/beliefs about what schizophrenia is. It makes me sick. I am more that an illness. I know this, but it seems like I am always reduced to an ill human being.

Also, I was reading a very good book called the Cobra Event by Richard Preston. The author seemed very knowledgeable about many topics dealing with science, biochemicals, and geography. You could tell he had done his homework before he wrote the fictional story. But of course, the guy who is letting off biochemical bombs in the subway turns out to be schizophrenic. There was only one sentence to that fact, but it pissed me off to no end. Itā€™s no wonder most people have a messed of perception of what this illness is when the media and arts keep portraying people who are afflicted as violent, anti social sociopaths. Therefore, at this stage, this is the hardest thing about schizophrenia for me. Overcoming ill conceived perceptions that people have of me sometimes before they even meet me.

Another hard part of having sz is getting people to believe you when something actually happened. For example when someone says something mean to you and its not sz. When people make mean comments to you.

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I think the hardest part for me is knowing that I will never spontaneously and genuinely like other people, that I will never even be comfortable around anyone.

The demons?

I really hate it when they torture me?

Like being horribly shocked once and having a face made of light appear? Or being burned and having a face made of light appear?

The realization that im being butchered slowly by ā€œthemā€?

When they make me look at the clock at 6:16 and then show me that if you divide 666 by the angle of the pentagram 108 you get 6.16, and then tell me that there is a huge pentagram that is made of the streets of washington?

That one time a self proclaimed witch showed me he could make me hallucinate?

But the worst part is my awful family, they just donā€™t give a flying ā– ā– ā– ā–  about anyone, they are straight animals, i hate them so very much, they are evil. Im getting butchered and they just donā€™t give a ā– ā– ā– ā–  at all.

The hardest part for me now is the side effect,be it physical or sexual,the hardest part for me used to be negative symptoms,but not anymore now after getting mirtazapine added to my abilify

[quote=ā€œsee121, post:32, topic:3576, full:trueā€]
Another hard part of having sz is getting people to believe you when something actually happened. For example when someone says something mean to you and its not sz. When people make mean comments to you.
[/quote]Well first of all, the act of ā€œBelievingā€ or ā€œDis-Believingā€ in many cases involves a measure of stupidity or insanity.

If you believe that you can complete a marathon in a certain time period, then off you go and give it a try. This is good, because you left the belief behind and ventured off to the truth of the matter instead.

In short, you chose not to stick to a mere belief.

But if you stick to a belief or disbelief, then you are willing to assume that you know of a truth and have done so while not even having bothered to connect to the truth itself.

In this case, it is stupidity or insanity, that has come into the picture.

If a sane mind is located at a distance from a truth of some kind, that sane mind would move as close to the truth as possible and then would simply determine a probability factor of whether or not it is true. One would then move on from there with the probability factor taken along for the ride, rather than having chosen to carry a false certainty on forward.

Thus, those who jump to conclusions concerning the words spoken by a so called schizophrenic, do so due to a degree of stupidity or insanity of some measure, for they are not willing to move any closer to the truth of the matter at all. They remain exactly where they currently are located. Thus they remain at that distance from the truth. In turn, no effort to move is given, thus their choice of the day is sheer stupidity.

To them, stupidity is the right choice.

Thus getting them as close to the truth as possible, now requires your individual effort rather than theirs. That pisses you off. Why the bloody hell should you have to do all the bloody work.

Thus eventually you might just have to accept the fact that they have chosen to be eternally stupid at their current level, and just leave it at that.

no more potā€¦or alcohol

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Suicidal tendancies and the inability to relate to people. Feeling like people are watching me and judging me.

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Whatā€™s your life like?

Hey I donā€™t know how youā€™ve survived living 56 years like that. It sounds horrible. Are you really suffering?