What do I do when things are good?

I feel better than I have in years
I finally feel I am back to my true self
Hallucinations are at a minimum
I’ve been able to keep control and mostly make peace with the voice in my head
Things feel good
But my doc says I seem uncontained and should be on meds
Yes, I still have episodes
But they have been barable
I have a plan in place if sh*t hits the fan
Those around me know my condition and are willing to help if needed
So why am I still worried about it?
How do you live with this without letting it control you?

I tell myself the same thing about anything that bothers me. And that is “who cares?”

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If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Keep doing whatever you’re doing.

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Uh oh. This probably isn’t going to end well :confused:

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For me, for over half my life, schizophrenia has been the central fact of my existence. It is the eight-hundred pound gorilla in the room. The best way for me to live is to just try to control the symptoms.

The problem is, she and I have seemed to come to a plateau
She seems to be a trigger for me, I can’t relax when I’m there with her
Which causes her to see me guarding
Others in my life, who see me daily and know me and my illness very well, think that things are better than they’ve ever been
And I feel better than I have in a very very long time
Yes, I know I will probably lose control again, which is what I’m trying to prepare for. But I do not think I need to be on meds. The meds seem to make my personality worse.
So this doc and I disagree and end up arguing the entire hour about meds
Which feels pointless and makes me angry, which causes her to see another side of me.

She’s also afraid that I’ll lose my sh*it again
Last time was bad, and she saw it first hand. Her words were "you were crazy when you came in, nothing made sense"
She seems to think that I can’t control myself well enough to work through it
And that I need to rely on the medication so that I never become boundless again
But, I would rather get to that point, then live my life controlled by the medications.

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“Getting to that point” might mean you thinking you can fly and jumping off a building. Meds are insurance to make sure you don’t get to that point.

You have a good point
But it’s still not enough for me to live shut off from myself

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Then I hope that the grave will suit you.