To me delusions of grandeur and other types of delusion is just us trying to make sense of a cruel reality to explain better our struggle.
For example it feels better to think my neighbor is just a security guard who has my well-being in mind by harassing me than to just realize I live next to a mean egocentric person.
It feels better to think I’m an important figure than to realize the painful truth that I am a nobody.
It feels better to think God is in control when he doesn’t have time for me.
It feels better to rationalize criminal acts as propaganda by the government to sweep their true agenda under the rug.
The only problem is when I get delusional, it is accompanied by a nagging sense of hopelessness for a truth that will never manifest itself, and that feeling along plunges me into an abyss of despair.
Loneliness is a bitch, and a blessing at the same time.
Yesterday after missing just one dose of Seroquel that I take nightly and not sleeping at a regular hour, I started having delusions. Felt better and more “normal” the moment I took my pill.
There is hope, but it must be backed up by sincere courage, and I’m not the bravest guy around!