To me delusions of grandeur and other types of delusion is just us trying to make sense of a cruel reality to explain better our struggle.
For example it feels better to think my neighbor is just a security guard who has my well-being in mind by harassing me than to just realize I live next to a mean egocentric person.
It feels better to think I’m an important figure than to realize the painful truth that I am a nobody.
It feels better to think God is in control when he doesn’t have time for me.
It feels better to rationalize criminal acts as propaganda by the government to sweep their true agenda under the rug.
The only problem is when I get delusional, it is accompanied by a nagging sense of hopelessness for a truth that will never manifest itself, and that feeling along plunges me into an abyss of despair.
Loneliness is a bitch, and a blessing at the same time.
Yesterday after missing just one dose of Seroquel that I take nightly and not sleeping at a regular hour, I started having delusions. Felt better and more “normal” the moment I took my pill.
There is hope, but it must be backed up by sincere courage, and I’m not the bravest guy around!
I really appreciate your kind and thoughtful replies to my posts, it’s nice when someone always has something positive to say no matter how bleak things may appear. Good luck to you too and keep fighting the good fight!
I can relate to what you say. I go through a period of euphoria when I start to get delusional. Part of it, I think, is that I have to be pretty important for people to be out to get me. Then it all goes south and I start hallucinating and doing crazy things. That’s why I know I have to stay on my med’s.
I know what reality is. I know I live in a rough big city where things can get rather dicey at times. But if I had to face reality or if I wasn’t in denial then I would never leave my house. But I live on by rationilizing that no one will bother me or that people are nice. I have to put my faith in the Gods of Luck and hope that no one jumps me or bothers me.
It brings an old saying to mind:
“God watches over fools and madmen”.
I am both.
Thank you for this post. This is so true, my delusions of grandeur sit on the top of what I think are my failures as a person, my insecurities and the feelings that I can’t accomplish anything because of this illness and my shortcomings. It was easier for me to believe I’m a higher being instead of assuming those things as real.
