What can I possibly do when I'm afraid to leave my own house?

I don’t know what to do. I’m surrounded and I’m being gang stalked by my own leadership. It’s really nutso man.

The VA has pretty much told me to (shut up), and (take the pills). Meanwhile I’m getting my brain skinned layer by layer and being transformed into some aggressive dirtball.

I feel like this illness has permanently changed me. I feel them in the room. I feel it, this seems so ■■■■■■■ real and I can’t stand it.

I feel like everyone on the face of the planet is about to experience this on a horribly large scale. That everyone has a horrible impending doom.

I tried talking to the VA, they just ask me their questions and leave.

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I feel like I’m completely misunderstood, that my reality is branded a delusion of some weird dream of schizophrenic hallucination:

It’s literally like wearing a mask covering someone and not allowing them to truly be known. What can I do?

I’m trying my best to be professional, and I’ve begun to bring in my military records every trip.

This week I have to go in four days, 45minute drive both ways. I’m thinking of being a no show today because I can’t handle my ■■■■ that well right now.

so sorry you’re having such a hard time right now mate. i think you may need to have your medication regimen looked at and changed. it’s obviously doing nothing for you so maybe it needs to be changed? there are a slew of meds out there so don’t up until you’ve tried them all. always here if you need to chat. much love, jayne

Nobody in the VA really know who I am I feel. I besides getting treatment for my current illness, need to begin opening up about the war. I was artillery, we generate more kills than the infantry. We’re knicknamed (red legs), and the (king of battle).

Afghanistan was where I was for my 20th birthday, at Shkin…I maybe should talk about my problems with this past somewhere else…but the VA wants to just medicate me and not really talk yet. They say my symptoms are too high to start the trauma interviews.

hmm maybe they are worried that the trauma of opening that can of worms will only add to your misery right now? ut it may well be that it would relieve some of your symptoms. i’m not an expert but maybe it’s time you did start to talk about these things in a safe envoirenment? i see it kind of like having an infected tooth. in order to pull it you have to first get rid of the infection (trauma), then when the infection has gone you can pull the tooth and begin to heal. problem is the VA probably does’nt see it that way and want you stable before you can start your therapy. personally i would go inpatient at a VA hospital and say ■■■■ it, pull the tooth. what’s the point in gettin stable only to have the emotional rug pulled out from under you anyway in therapy? i’d go back with an advocate (girlfriend? parent?) and demand your therapy.

you need to open up to your psychiatrist so they can adjust your meds. You are obviously delusional and you have dual diagnosis because you drink all the time. Not good. Please seek help.

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what can you do when your afraid to leve your own house.?
stand outside your house day one a bit further day 2 a bit further day 3 put a Walkman on to drown out any voices sunglasses on I have my dog with me too and go on missions it gives you much needed exersize and saves you going round the bend.

I took a block walk, ran out the garbage for the truck service, (garbage day).

Thankfully, my symptoms didn’t become (real) and get me lol.

Truthfully I told my gf that I didn’t want to go out after her work shift…I just don’t think that we should and things kind of stink right now. I’m very withdrawn and feel effects of psychosis from (losing touch), with exactly what I’m confronting. I just dunno how to get past it, except trying to quit using. I want a drink so freaking bad it’s not even funny it’s pitiful and lame.

If I were you, I’d go to bed and pull the covers over my head. War is nothing any human should have to endure. Can you find a therapist who isn’t connected with the VA?

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It’s my pocket, but may be helpful.

You can call Alcoholics Anonymous and go to a meeting?

I don’t want to stop drinking. Truthfully, I think I may be getting cirrhosis at 31. I feel pretty discarded in some ways. I don’t feel like myself at all. I’m under a lot of (cruel conditions), and I’m indifferent to my own health because I know I’m not truly valued as a person.

I’m frustrated with the VA, I’m being (medicated and shut up) pretty much. I just can’t keep doing this, that’s what I say.

Then I get beer and drink about a case in a day and fall out early.

Then around 8am, I’ll be up and if there’s beer leftover I’ll drink it…why?? Because they beat me to wake up early for them. My my my, life is grand. This torturous experiment that my mind has created is killing me slowly.

don’t give up @neveragain tell your pdoc what’s wrong and try to get a med change. you don’t have to be tortured !!

But maybe I do, you see how screwed up it is? It’s like, how did this all happened? This is not who I am. What am I doing here? I don’t feel I belong anymore in a single way. I don’t feel like a (normal human being). I’m trying hard to process things and I’m trying hard to overcome my lack of awareness.

I don’t know, I’ve been trying to dispel this stuff with so much music and instrument playing. Yet it’s so repetitious I can’t keep doing it, I can’t think of anything new to write or create.

Like my mind has become mute with darkness where the activity of my existence was…almost as if someone wants to slip in (new items) into my own mind. I feel a feeling of transformation, and danger.

I’m trying my best to ground myself, and I haven’t drank yet.

good luck @neveragain it sounds like you have a deathwish.

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Nah, I just need to vent and maybe ride my Harley with some leather gear on today. I don’t know, there’s no snow on the highway right now lol.

That’s what it looks like!

Bought my first Harley when I was 20 years old, you know…from cape fear Harley Davidson

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