What I can I do more to love?
Dear Lord! I was fixed on the belief that
No one loved me, and thus people hated me
On the basis that I had a mental illness.
The feeling of thinking that you are detrimental
To the society can be burdensome
And I continue to think this way
And hate others.
Oh, but what can I do more to love?
For an hour of love is better than an hour of hatred.
Teach me the art of love,
Because I want to be close to Love himself.
What do people do to you?
Iâm just worried that I will end up in an institution for the mentally ill. Thatâs really common here.
Or if no one can take care of me I could easily end up in one.
I guess thatâs a valid worry in your country, I guess. But I meant do you face a lot of stigma and harassment because of your schizophrenia?
I do, the stigma is always in the news. It was on the news yesterday, about a schizophrenic woman violating rules because she thought that they were kidnapping her.
Said: âOh! Sheâs mentally ill and sheâs going to infect everyone!â
My countryâs news is made up to make fun of mentally ill people.
Well, I donât want to pry, but what do you face personally?
Half the country probably wasnât even aware of that incident. I mean it sounds like you are putting yourself down and no one else is.
I just know that I will most likely be shunned or put into institutions if my illness got serious.
Also if you want to look at what stigma I face, type 쥰íëł online on naver.com and youâll get thousands of rude comments and comments like âfamilies who have schizophrenica patients are doomed in eternityâ
â â â â neurotypicals.
But that shouldnât stop you from doing things. You may get worse or you may just get a little worse. In the meantime you could be having coffee out or taking short walks or something else. I know you have extenuating circumstances due to your physical problems. But I have back problems and need to lose weight, hell, I could get worse mentally too sometime in the future, but I donât really know. So Iâm going to keep working, going to the park or going through the drive-thru restaurant. You canât always base your life on âwhat-ifsâ.
But people wonât hang out with me because Iâm disabled?
Maybe some will, maybe some wonât. You donât know until you try and reach out. Iâm in the same boat. Iâve been avoiding people, I thought I liked being alone. And I did, but Iâm just doing it too much. Itâs a matter of balance. Luckily, Iâm forced to be around people at work and I still have one sister in the country.
But if I ever tell them that I have psychotic depression, they will be like OH MY GOOODNESS, YOUâRE ARE GOING TO ATTACK ME, ARENâT YOU?
âŚI mean, look at the naver website alone. Mentally ill people arenât simply accepted here- unless you have depression, that is.
Has anyone ever said that?
Tell them ânoâ and laugh it off and be friendly. Thatâs just looking at the worst case scenario again; nobodyâs actually done that and maybe never will. You live in Greece, right? I thought your country was democratic and fairly liberal in itâs views.
I live in South Korea. Maybe Iâm just overly conscious of what others think of me. I love my country, but itâs really bothersome when something on the news or something on the Internet show stigma. It happens too often.
Oh, sorry about that, I got you confused with someone else.
If you try, you may find some nice person who accepts you. They may be hard to find but itâs worth a try.
A kind neurotypical doesnât exist, unless theyâre your relative and/or your immediate family. At least not in my experience.
@anon10648258 Thanks for posting. I realized that I had an empty heart, I thought, for many years. I was not feeling and not expressing much love at all. I spoke with a few close people and kind of told them quite cautiously that I âdid not love them.â I actually did not say this out loud. Then when I talked in therapy my social worker and I agreed that I had been set back by my sz. Then I started making intentional tries to love. I started loving a friend. And it worked.
Well, you can believe that if you want, despite millions of examples to the contrary.
I want to believe in contrary but I spent a fraction of my life being bullied and abused. My belief is mainly due to my PTSD.
OK, well, I wish you the best. IDK what else to say.