I don’t know if someone made a thread about this already but I can’t find one so here it is.
I get sharp pains in my head all the time since my first breakdown. I occasionally see things. I haven’t heard things in awhile. I’m not sure if I’m delusional now or not anymore but I know I have been in the past.
Suddenly, as in the past 2 or 3 weeks, is a PROFOUND cognitive decline. I am slow to spell things correctly, make a million typos that I never used to, and I will start a sentence and cut it off half-way. Luckily, a lot of the people I socialize with talk too much, but it’s nice to not have to babble, like I’m doing now. I don’t know if I coming or going lately. This is new to me.
It’s like telepathy is real. I have to be very careful about who and what I think about or else I get voices.
I get delusional sometimes and start thinking its real… It’s hard to deny it because its part of my experience
For a while it was some far out there positives…
Voices beating me up… hallucinations…
I was fighting off some delusions…
Then I slipped into the negatives… having trouble making sense, having trouble getting up and moving… having memory wipe in the middle of a sentence…
The cognitive problems was poor memory… couldn’t recall simple steps… had a hard time reading.
I also fight depersonalization… panic attacks… sneaky brained thinking… I still need help with getting outside my comfort zone.
Paranoia - and the fact that I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT - when it’s daytime and everyone is ready to go out I’M ASLEEP - then I get muddled with my tablets and worry I will take too much in 24 hours - every so often I get my sleep pattern right - but my tablets make me sleep 10 sometimes 12 hours - so eventually the extra hours of sleep catch up and I’m back at square one. I don’t have insomnia so much as an upside down back to front sleep pattern.
I hear voices that command me to hurt myself. I think I’m being followed and watched. There are signs everywhere that I’m being watched. People speak my thoughts on the tv, radio, and life.
Cognitive decline, poor motivation, poor concentration, poor creativity, decreased pleasure, anxiety, fear, depression, derealization, blurred vision, lethargy, isolation, poor social skills, delusions, and weight gain.
Weight gain, depression, anxiety, bouts of paranoia leaving me anxious when I’m going to get next bout, loneliness and isolation to a degree, frustration, irritability, annoying intrusive voices apart from that…
Lack of motivation, depression, voices, self-harm urges, agitation, jumbled thoughts, paranoia, anxiety. Mostly under control with meds.
i felt like that when i was on haldol. i couldn’t put a sentence together. we waited to see if the side effects would subside, but they didn’t, so i changed meds. now i take clozeril. much better.
Feeling anxious, nervous, have trouble breathing, swallowing, intrusive thoughts, feeling people can see and read my mind, afraid people can read my mind, feel people are inside my body,
Im not delusional so far i think, although i can be aggressive, im always mildly delirious, many visual distortions that are starting to border on agnosia, i have extreme difficulty driving in the daytime
Paranoia is the big one. Constantly being on the lookout for people watching me. Anxiety is pretty high. Not sure if I’m delusional, but I don’t think I am anymore. Negative symptoms, I have a hard time speaking and remembering things. I know I’m smarter than I sound. It’s like I just can’t get across what’s in my head and then it all goes blank. I can’t make myself care enough to get out of bed or get dressed some days. The haldol helps a lot with the positive symptoms, but makes the negative symptoms a bit more difficult to cope with.
symptoms, oh yeah:
fear of leaving the house, unable to get dressed, endless rummenations in my head telling me bad thoughts, feeling like i am not walking on the earth but on a magic carpet over quick-sand, not feeling my body, can’t hear other people talking; just watching their lips moving like a black and white motion picture/unreal. sounds like CHARLIE BROWN’s teacher: “wah wah wah wah wah.” seeing bugs and rats that aren’t there. thinking that the government is plotting against me.
I get paranoid delusions which can cause a break with reality. I have to be careful what I read or watch as some things can trigger or cause delusions.
Constant intrusive and hostile voices, often telling me to harm or kill myself or those around me. Regular tactile hallucinations in the form of what feels like hands around my throat, pressure on my chest or long, sharp, nails in my skin. Occasionally I visually hallucinate a skeleton like figure in a hood that whispers anhd tells me it’s going to kill me. As a result of these symptoms I suffer from anxiety attacks, I shake and lose focus easily due to my medication and find it hard to sleep.
I use to have auditory hallucinations, I use to have crying spells, worthlessness,delusions of guilt and I experienced psychosis several times! Now I’m just suffering from negative symptoms (mostly lack of motivation) , cognitive problems (memory and concentration), ambivalence (indecisiveness), lethargy, hopelessness and anhydonia
i suffer no ill effects i rise above now
i didnt lose my mind, it was mine to give away
Delusions, thought insertion, excessive worrying about anything and everything (so anxiety lol), depression (would rather be dead most days), paranoia, constant rage (it fluctuates in severity but I just feel like I’ve become such an angry, aggressive person, and I never was one before), mild visual hallucinations, visual distortions, tactile hallucinations, issues with focusing/concentration, derealization, depersonalization, just basically a bunch of gross stuff.