Yes I have been classed like this.
You never live it down. The healthcare people throw you in hospital really quickly if you have a history of being a disruptive schizo.
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Back in 2008, I was unmedicated and committed domestic violence against my mom. She got an Order of Protection and had me put out of her house.
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I get homicidal voices before/during almost every psychotic episode Iāve had. Not sure if Iād actually do anything, but without treatment anything is possible.
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No, not really. Sometimes people are afraid of me now because they assume since Iām so big and old that I must be dangerous somehow. Sometimes it works to my benefit, other times itās annoying.
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I was definitely a danger to myself and others. Iām glad itās over. Iāve been stable for a while now. Thatās why Iām afraid of psychosis. I donāt act right and others fear to be around me.
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one time I carried an opened pocket knife in my hand as I walked to my car at night thinking someone was going to rape meā¦thatās the only time I was ever armedā¦I was delusional but I never hurt anyone. I was a danger to myself all the time when I was ill.
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I donāt think i have ever been a danger to anyone but myself really.
When Iām really psychotic I usually stop eating and drinking.
Last time I thought the water was poisonous so I was dehydrated which makes you even more psychotic.
I used to think family and friends I had wanted to kill me.
I said something about killing but I canāt remember what I was psychotic and ranting and didnāt know reality or what I was on about.
Iām not a violent person though.
Even when I thought my loved ones were torturing me I still loved them even though I did not think they loved me back then.
I did not feel loved by my mum and I felt hated by her and she tried to drown me when I was a child and told me not to tell anyone or they would take me away and I would never see her again someone else felt more like a mother.
Who is this woman.she said I am her only daughter and that Iām like the love of her life and that sheās proud of me and other nice words but it was not my mum I was raised with.does my mum I was raised with feel like a friend?i donāt know .i adore her and love her so much but it does not feel maternal somehow.
I loved her more than I could ever say when she hated me,tried to kill me and regretted me and said I ruined her life etc and she is not affectionate but the other woman that raised me is not affectionate with me either but it canāt be her either because she has a daughter my sister.
I donāt want to be disloyal and I adore her but she is not so motherly and we have a strange relationship and she has a he ll of a temper.she is or was dangerous .to me anyway because she truly hated me.strange.
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Maybe itās a delusion that she tried to drown me.
In my memory a spirit man stood by the bathroom door and stopped her by Will.
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Iām sorry for writing that about her on motherās day tooā¦
Itās probably a delusion and she has done so many kind good things and even sewed clothes to me and my dolls.
She suffered and had tough times.sorry to start writing about this that has nothing to do with the question.
My apologies!
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No never. My problems were all self inflicted.
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Theres a certain person who i thought was gaslighting me and trying to send me crazy when my voices first started i also thought the were going to harm me. One night i had bad voices that sounded like this person plotting to come in my house at 3.30 am i thought they were going to kidnap and tourture me i got a knife to protect myself as i had been waking people up for two weeks around this time thinking this so the whole family was pissed off at me so i didnt want to bother them again. Then i heard the gate open and froze with fear then the front door opened i couldent see who it was , i was so scared i screamed get out and held the knife infront of me , then my brothers voice said what the hell is your problem and i realised it was him . He lives with us and heād been out with friends and i had no idea i went and got help very soon after. If i had not of froze i would have stabbed him.
I was beyond sure at the time that whoever was coming through that door was coming to get me. I still feel so awful for it.
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I was never aggressive to anyone, I just took off and ran instead of ever being physical.
Wish the same could be said about others to meā¦
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I caused a friend in 2006 to think about suicide, another in 2008 to act on suicide, my mom to write a suicidal letter, my sister to have an eating disorder, and my boyfriend to attempt suicide a few times this past winter. I provoke suicidal thoughts on people 
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I never physically hurt someone. I do think i was very unpredictable and scary to those around me and things might have gone wrong. Being confronted with me in such a state in itself was harmful to those around me.
We have this saying āa cornered cat makes weird jumpsā which kind of fit me back thenā¦it means if someone feels desperate and threatened without a way out, they do unpredictable things.
I thank God that i didnt actually physically hurt anyone but myself. I deeply regret the emotional hurt i caused to those i love. It is my deepest pain.
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Hey there, are you sure that you provoked this? I suspect you are taking too much of the blameā¦? I know in psychosis i felt responsible for everything, e.g. my sisters miscarriage felt as caused by me. Which was not true.
Yeah because once I was out of their life, their life got better and they got distant away from me. I forgot in 2011, my other friend started researching how to die. Stopped talking to her and she got her degree in 2014 (on time). I cause a lot of grief and all these people said it was me
Before they had the two day waiting period there were two times I was psychotic and bought a handgun - a .38 revolver for suicide, and a .22 auto for self protection. I would never have walked into a building and started shooting strangers, but if someone had walked up on me on a dark night I just might have turned around and shot them. Iām so glad Iām not like that any more.
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Oh @anon90843118 Iām so sorry you experienced this! What happened after you bit her? Did she press charges? Iām very glad you never jumped on the track!
@Joker
Aww! I ache for you! Your identity is not your illness. You need to be treated with respect and compassion!
@anon54988740
How sad! I feel so bad for you! You must have been really upset! Do you talk to her now?
@LED
Thatās terrible! I am moved over your situation. I wish I could them away and you never experienced them!
@77nick77
It sounds not fair! Itās awful when people make assumptions!
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@Cici2
Iām so sorry for what youāve experienced!
@jukebox
Itās hard when weāre afraid! Iām so glad you made it through those times of being a danger to yourself!
@SacredNeigh7
Relationships with our mothers are complicated. Itās hard to know whatās real and whatās not. Iāll start a post, so if you join in you can have some support.
@anon98459728
I hope you didnāt injure yourself too much! I hope you donāt anymore!
@Imaganitve
Iām so glad you got help! You donāt need to feel awful for it! You were ill! And he was okay!
@Csummers
Iām sorry that youāve been hurt by others. That is so sad.
@Winterblues
You donāt have that power. Thatās not on you. I can relate because I feel I caused my auntās suicide. In reality, itās not your fault.
@anon73478309
Yes, when someone is desperate they cry for help in many ways. I hope you have healed, and I trust that God has healed or will heal those affected around you.
@crimby
Iām also glad you donāt suffer now in the same ways you did. You were scared, and you were hurting. So glad thatās over!
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She was mad at me. I asked her to loosen the handcuffs they were so tight but she was ignoring me. I had to keep them on for a long long time at least one night. And she did initially press charges but then dropped it later on.
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