I was a trainwreck. I got ill at age 20, I used smoke weed daily, skip classes because I would stay up till 4am then go to work at mcdonalds. I had no perspective, felt like i had a pot instead of my head. Either way if not schizophrenia, I would have gotten drug induced psychosis which was my initial diagnosis. Now in my home country, havent smoked weed since university, no bad influences. Just I miss even though I was a trainwreck, i was able to function, like socialize, go to work after binge drinking and becoming an employee of the month. I did not really care about my mental health. When I was a teenager I always imagined how good would be earn some cash while not working, well that dream came true in some sense.
I was a train wreck before I got diagnosed. If there was a bad decision to be made, I made it.
I was a train wreck at 10 years of age bc of a trauma. Some kids act out whereas I shut down. I wouldn’t talk to my peers or anyone. Sza was just icing on the cake.
I was a mess before my diagnosis, anxiety, depression, paranoia and severe OCD crying all the time. Very bad season of my life.
I am amused that you think I’m not a trainwreck now.
No I wasnt. Things started to degrade 2-3yrs before diagnosis.
Yes, I self medicating by drinking heavy. I was in really bad shape.
I was a train wreck before sza, sure. Eight years before sza I became anorexic and then bulimic. And because of that I was depressed and suicidal. I skipped more classes than I attended. And I got deeply involved with an older, criminal type man.
Am I the only one who was better before sz?
No. I was better generally. I found talking quite difficult sometimes compared to now, but in every other way I was far more functional and “normal”.
I was very functional until roughly 2 years before sz. Got my diagnosis at 30y 10mo old.
My first episode was when I was 16/17
When I started high school at age 11, I got mixing with the wrong people, and ended up being involved with drug gangs.
It was pure hell, and I’ll take SZ over that any day
They thought my first psychosis was drug induced, but they came close to labelling it as SZ at the time due to how severe and long it lasted despite meds
Wasn’t until I relapsed and ended back up in A&E that they pulled the trigger and called it SZ.
Every night, my dreams are filled with violence, and reliving this nasty times
Such a shame to have wasted such a key part of my life, but now I am University educated and run a small business
Things have turned around massively, and SZ I treat like any other adversity - I just get on with it.
Some how I manage a lot, but at the same time I have to strike a balance otherwise I hear voices, get intrusive thoughts, have crippling anxiety, get low mood/depressed and have panic attacks etc
This is also exacerbated by a recent ASD diagnosis, but to be honest, that one just helps me navigate social things more carefully, and try to consider peoples motives and intentions etc. That’s of course a massive undertaking, but I am trying to be better at it
Had this particular diagnosis been made when I was young, then the support I would have got would have prevented an extremely turbulent time for both me and my family
Leading up to severe mental illness- Social anxiety just before I was 14. Depression starting at 15 which got increasingly worse. Intense anxiety on starting to study for A levels in the lower 6th . Parental expectations vs the realisation I didn’t have the independent living skills to cope with university. Academic decline accelerated. No friends at that school. Bullied a lot(verbally). Very unpopular.
Nah, I wasn’t a train wreck before schizophrenia, even with my severe OCD.
I was studious and at least of average intelligence, and I was very popular amongst my peers during the years leading up to my illness. I loved, and frankly was quite good at making people laugh. And while I did have OCD, that almost added upon my peculiarity during high school. I had great times and half-decent grades.
But once schizophrenia happened, my dreams of becoming an attorney at a prestigious law firm was dashed like glass. I lost, and was set back, many years of my imperative years of maturing.
But now things are looking up, even with positive symptoms. I’ve found a good med and things are realigning as best as these predicaments can. Still, though, it’s a long way up from a very, very large fall.
In high school I was good at sports and was one of the best ski racers at my school. I remember getting drunk with some of the “popular” chicks at a house party and she was telling me “Oh you’re such a good skier” when she was drunk and making out with me.
I was ok in high school too, things got messed up at 23 but I’m back on track now.
Yeah after you go through hell with this illness things do start to improve.
Do you find bad boys attractive?
I was abused and bullied, so yes- it was absolutely a trainwreck. I endured years of abuse in school.
I self medicated too. It got rid of the anxiety.
My sz started because of trauma. I’m convinced of this. The onset and the start of social dysfunction is too coincidental to dismiss. I was a normal kid before my onset. I was a train wreck once my prodromal phase started.