Were we abused?

So I try to recover now. I don’t take anymore meds like crazy… They weren’t a big help. I take the necessary, the trt of my ex pdoc, but the rest is counting on myself etc etc…
But were we all abused here to have got this sz? I have one old lady, a friend, and she said, that my life was hard, yes… An aggressive father, a sexual abuse when I was six, a mother who was treating me as a baby the whole my life. I don’t get this last thing a bit… My friend said, that a child needs wings, not this eternal '‘help’'of his needs… Is she right? I still get angry, when I think of my life. You know all I lived in isolation for 20 ■■■■■■■ years almost… and I was very unhappy kid… I hope ill recover one day better. I still don’t know any other person, who lived as an ermite like this… Its a pity… Lol, I should stop sorrying about this, I know…


I am isolated too but I like it this way.
I don’t like people. I prefer my voices

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what do you take? how do you feel better?

Oh, ok, thanks for the answer Om. Me too I sometimes try to make my peace with it. I cant be outside now always, I took too many meds in the past. For example, I am very shaky today, like stiffed too from the meds. I start to feel them, even after two years my mind tries to clean itself from them, now that I get used to them I guess…
Hugs to you!

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I had a very happy child hood. I wasn’t abused. Had boat loads of friends.

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I take 10 mg of Zyprexa and 1000 mg of Depakote. I try to change my mind, I try to think, distract myself and to be less hard on myself.

I was verbally, and also physically, abused by my alcoholic father

do you take less? do you still get the smashing feeling?

No, I keep this doses. Idk, I was smashed before the meds too. One doc told me effectively, that I took too many aps in the past and maybe this made me numb. I tried 11 aps, it was probably wrong to do… But I continue the Zyprexa, cause I hate more my fears than the numbness. Plus, I have physical bad sensations in my illness and I hate this.

when did you get better?

do you feel happier and with more freedom?

I am still not happier, but I wont experiment with other meds anymore I think…

did you have a recent dose ruduction? you used to be really bad.

No, I keep the same dose since two years. The pdocs said to not touch this too. I just believed my doc who was saying, that I need years to recover in my case…

That person sounds like a stupid one who tried to comprehend mentall health in her own limited way, and she managed to make a few connection between mentall illness and your life, wrong connections anyway.

You should listen to her or let them influence you in a bad way.

Think of it that way, anybody who doesn’t make you feel good when talking to that person or you feel bad and you’re overthinking after you split its dispensable.

I know you’re alone but you don’t need to settle with bad friends just so you won’t be lonely.

Better alone then in a bad company, go to therapy btw, it’s gonna help you

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what’s new? depakote or what?

Nothing new, alejandro. I just think, that I start to get used to my meds, that’s all. Two years ago, they were like candies to me. I pay some efforts now, maybe this helps, but I cant be sure…

what do you do?

Well, tv, internet, games, books, a bit of going out to the shops here, and trying to express myself more verbally with my mom. I also try to chase my demons. But the activity helps yes… I try to ignore my inner monologues, my physical pains and fears. But when I cant do that, I take my rest. But in general, its just some activity more… But I tell you, I still am in bad shape. Maybe my doc was really right to think, that I need years to recover. Years on this treatment…

I was severely abused when I was little by my teachers and bullied by students in my class.
I endured years of abuse since grade 2, and I escaped the school by moving to Canada to study.
It was a horrible, horrible time. My doctor says that my sz is because of the abuse I’ve endured.

I have been abused by many people because schizophrenia makes me vulnerable. But I’m not talking only about sexual abuse. There are people who have stolen my money. Now I have learnt and I’m not as vulnerable as I was before.