We're fighting

Last night my wife and I got into a fight about the fact that she does everything. I was lying in bed because I was cold and she thought I was refusing to help her with our pets.

When we went to bed I had taken melatonin like I do every night. Then she decided she wanted to talk about it, aka she wanted me to spend some time apologizing. I was getting knocked out with sleep. She does this thing where she thinks sleep is just avoiding her and not a physical need. So she got mad and sent me out of the bed all night, to sleep in another room.

This morning I asked her if we are still fighting. She said she hopes I’m not still mad at her. I said I was never mad in the first place. It feels rocky but we are getting through it.

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All human relationships are difficult. It need patience and mutual understanding

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It can be hard to understand how staying awake is not an option when you take meds that make you sleep.

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I know. I’ve tried to talk rationally about it, but she tells me she just feels abandoned.

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I’ve had similar problems with my boyfriend. If we’ve been fighting and the meds kick in, I just have to go to sleep, and it’s not about ignoring him. Maybe she will understand if you talk about it.

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I do this to hubby on a regular basis. I get mad when we are arguing and he falls asleep. I generally pick fight with him earlier in the evening now. I also don’t like going to bed mad.

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That’s what I was thinking as I went to the other room to sleep. I heard a saying once that you should never go to bed mad. But I was so tired, and I knew I couldn’t carry on a conversation. We are alright now. I have the day off and she is working from home today so we say nice things to each other in passing.

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It’s important to communicate your feelings with your partner right away, instead of at the end of the day. So I try to express my feelings right away so I don’t explode in anger and a huge fight ensues. I’m glad you patched things up. Arguments will always occur, there are just ways to make them smaller and less explosive.

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It sounds like you need to communicate that when you take your meds it has a sedative effect and you won’t be able to talk clearly. I think most people don’t get it because they don’t experience it.

It sounds like she took your lack of responses for anger. When it was actually the drugs making you sleepy.

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Yeah. It’s an ongoing discussion. Thanks.

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My husband and I get in bed before he takes his sleep medicine. We talk about whatever, kiss good night and then he takes his medicine. Could you try that? Like ask, ‘is there anything we need to talk about before I take my medicine?

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That’s a good idea @ZmaGal. I’ll consider that.

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