Actually yesterday.
It’s my debt I accumulated.(To the tune of 15K).
I am in so much anguish after coming clean to my folks and my kid brother(He’s like my Phoebe to my Holden)(Catcher in the Rye reference).
He has a high octane day trading job.
And a problem with happiness.
The job is killing his health(He’s seven years my junior).
My folks want me to clawback 20 grand I gave to his youth’s education account.
When the gift was given, it didn’t move the needle of happiness in him. But now that I’m an Indian giver, he’s being so angry.
My hands were trembling when he asked for my credit cards to cut up.
He slammed the car door on me(he was standing beside the car, I was sitting in it.)
My folks want him to give it back to me(15K clawback).
Again, my issues happened slowly maybe in the realm of the less than conscious(sub consciously?)
My SIL must be so lacking of respect for me.
I’ve manufactured a secret she kept from my folks, I like her, she probably didn’t know what the right thing to do was, when I was making these over-the-top gestures.
And I love the child so much, and since money is not heavy to lift(One of the characteristics of money is that it’s portable), I don’t fully understand why I had to see so many “fireworks” yesterday.
Hiding money from myself even relates to smoking cessation(to anyone who understands that), AND having a LOVED ONE have control/choices and to manage it(Since I suck at it; because I suck at it) shouldve been an easier pill for my folks to understand without escalation…
My dad locked eyes with me and said “you failed”, two times in a row, and he has these like primal-type almost like crying faces when he speaks of anything of importance.
I ran away to my brother(who lives 45 minutes away), and he gave me the business too, so then I drove back the 45 minutes to my home with my folks.
He didn’t inquire if I got home safely(It was rush hour essentially both ways).
Conclusions: I’m sad. Really, really sad.