A lot has happened since leaving this site I changed my dose on Latuda20 to 40 then 40 to 80 then now up to 120 and still hasn’t helped much some but not much my brain is haywire also he lowered the dose of my Lexapro to 10 now I am taken a full dose at 20mg I went back up didn’t help with the depression its been a roller coaster since leaving I haven’t been to church in a few weeks because of a death in the family my great grandma passed at 103 years old we wont be back to Kentucky my great grandma bless her heart was the reason we wen there in the first place she has 12 children living 4 deceased. She is better off in Heaven I really wish I was there to be with my family but will soon enough get to go to meet them in Heaven when its my time I cried for two days yesterday and now today I cried myself in my bed to sleep been depressed manic and then depressed again my brain isn’t functioning right this new med is not working I may have to quit it like I did Loxapine20mg but will never ever go back to Abilfy5mg was horrible I gained a lot of weight on Abilify5mg to tell the truth I would rather be skinny than fat any day hate how my thighs rub together and cause friction and chaffing anyone have that problem women usually have fatter thighs and belly waist and everything is fatter on women for child bearing hips and all. I don’t like it at all I am working hard to lose this extra weight since I have no side effects with Latuda120mg may just stay on it I don’t know 120mg is a big dose should of started helping by now went on it August 15,2014 here recently the higher dose so it hasn’t been tow long a couple of weeks maybe. I am stuffed don’t feel like eating as much now that’s a plus but my family and I have been combative and fighting lately I went to bed at 5pm I took a whole Lexapro20mg made me tired so I laid down in a puddle of tears then fell asleep will be going to church tomorrow evening at 7pm young peoples group at AHOP. Men want to use me and abuse me by having Sex in Spirit with me I gave in for two weeks then after I am getting tired of being used I just broke down and cried and cried for days.I am doing awful still feel like ■■■■ if you know what I mean like the walking dead kind of piece of ■■■■.I cant post on Native American sites anymore deleted my account on facebook getting called out of my name on there Native guys talking about me sexually and what they want to do next to me I am so out of here so done with living in this world its getting scary and worse if it possibly can get worse got cussed out for driving too fast in a school zone I should of gone 20 but went 30 instead passing everyone I was pissed at the time shouldn’t of been driving my fault my bad everything is my fault I get blamed for having this curse of mental illness I didn’t ask to be born this way just was that’s all people can call me crazy maybe I am but that’s ok aren’t we all somewhat crazy I get evil looks from people in the public eye rolling of their eyes at me like someone possessed shitty days and more to come until I am in Heaven I cant wait to go and leave this place behind and be with all my family and Native family in Heaven,
I don’t know you, but I hate to see you wish away your life. It sounds like you have a big family, are they supportive?
I was on Latuda for a while, I needed a supplemental antipsychotic alongside it though. It worked OK but the combination was just too many pills for me.
You are right in that you shouldn’t be blamed for having a mental illness. It isn’t like we want it. But it is something we have and I think the most important thing to do is take ownership over yourself, your mind, and your body. Don’t like those men treat you in a demeaning way, and don’t let others talk bad about you because you have schizophrenia.
I have a small family my great grandma had a large family not close to any of my great aunts and uncles I went to bed early last night 8pm I was really tired just got up at 7am.I pray all the time will be attending church today what I wish is to be invisible to everyone every living soul with a heart and with a black heart every breathing soul never seen again in this wicked world I hate it here I hate life right now I want to go home to be with Jesus in Heaven. Please make me invisible to every living and non living thing I wish it so bad until Jesus comes to take me home I don’t ever want to be seen in this place. I have prayed this and asked for this to happen and I believe it will it did before and people left me alone and ignored me and It was like I was a ghost I loved it that way. Now when people see me I get the evil looks and eyes rolling I wish I wasn’t seen or heard. Has anyone ever wished to be Invisible well I do all the time? I don’t ever want to be seen in this world by anyone I want to just go away and be ignored forever its the only way I feel safe and protected the only way and that’s it.
HawkEyes please talk to a psychiatrist about how you’re feeling. You don’t sound very stable? I hope life turns up for you soon. Coming to this site is a good way of reaching out for support. There are many good people here so maybe you can “be invisible” and just post here?