Well this is frustrating…

I don’t think this fits in medications by its description so lemme put this here

I finally had my psyc appointment that I’ve been waiting months on the other day and it’s just been an upsetting experience that I’ve waited this long and wasted so much time for this to be an utter disaster. Hating medication but knowing I don’t have much of a choice right now I decided to go after some. Not only was the appointment an utter mess, so is the outcome. So let’s start there (rant starts)

This dude put me ONLY on an antidepressant…. (Lexapro 5mg) like sure okay depression is a big struggle for me and I expected that, but at the same time it’s not a big deal… there are far larger problems at play. Atleast I’ll get to go crazy with a smile on my face? I guess that’s a positive. Besides, the depression more of a byproduct…. I’m mainly depressed because what I put up with…So we’re putting gasoline into a car that has a blown engine? How helpful?

And the appointment itself was an uter scam. Was in like a general checkup room with me sitting on the table and him standing, I’ll say I felt quite intimidated which is not how I do, if you try to intimidate me ima be hard back on you, but it was strange this Wassnt the case, I was admittedly anxious, (perfectly comfortable tho when the medical assistant was talking to me before (she was sitting)) who the hell wouldn’t after hitting rock bottom then waiting somehow for 5 whole months to see somebody for meds, understanding time is of the essence… so I apparently have “anxiety” now too even though I’ve never ever been told that from other professionals. Sure I’ll have my moments but doesn’t everyone? I realized what was happening and I switched to starting to make eye contact and being confident. Apparently that wasn’t enough for him…

Thes guy also completely blind sided me with a completely inappropriate question that he knew instantly from the hell flames in my eyes… one of the things that have f’d me up is I lost one of my good friends from school. One of a coupple people I ever cared about because he was murdered 2 years ago. This has proven to be a big challenge. So of course this topic came up we were talking about it I explained our relationship and everything, as we were getting onto something else he decides to reel it back in with “was name your boyfriend or something?” I was about ready to do something bad after that. Like I would understand if it came up in conversation trying to figure things out, and it has in therapy, that’s fine I’ll understand, and there is a way to go about it, but this asswipe blindsiding me with that? Are you still in psyc 101 lol??? There’s just some other things and mainly just frustrated over the only antidepressant only… not only is it not going to solve anything important right now, I’m also worked up because “let’s just give somebody who doesn’t struggle(realistically) with suicide, or have “anxiety” problems in quotes cuz… complicated. A medication that only is supposed to solve a byproduct, doing nothing, and is going to actually make him suicidal….” The other reason I’m here is because I’ve been unfortunately fortunate enough to not have that trigger. So if that happens I’m fn gonskies lmao! That’s not even an exaggeration…I’m way past the point where most people would get out, trust me, hell even I want to all the time, I’m just saved by not having any will to do that! Give me the will to? And well… it’s not going to end well… but hey Atleast I tried to get help that ended up being the cause of the end haha. Sweet irony…

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

Why has it taken this long? Cuz I have pride, and not much of a will to help myself. Plenty of times I should go to the hospital but I don’t. Guess I don’t need help that bad if I’m so strong even at the end of my rope eh? That what’s going on? I shouldn’t be a fighter? I should just crumble so I can actually get some ■■■■■■■ help??? Is that the ■■■■■■■ lesson here???

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Yeah sounds horrible. Mental health assesments tend to be rubbish. Your either psychotic and it’s pretty obvious and no one listens to you for said reasons or. Your presenting better than people who are rabidly psychotic and bouncing off the walls.

It’s not your fault and it’s hard but try to see things through. You are still entitled to treatment but really it’s hard when, for example, You get 15 minutes with a psychiatrist.

Saying that. You have to maximise your time which is always poor. Whether you go in with an agenda or you write it down etc it doesn’t matter. You need to make them know about your issues and problems…it is so hard to do because most times your not in crisis and when you are you can’t get onto the doctors. It’s frustrating as hell but you need to be your own advocate firstly. And you need to have an agenda when you see your treatment team.

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