The reason of this I think is my ruminating… I do it since years. When I said to my doc that I feel my brain in the head, the thought of just increase my ap. So I am on bigger dose now, but I think it will be mostly the time and the efforts who will help me on this, isn’t it please?
I focus so much on my brain that I kinda of feel it. The problem is that because of doing this, you end up without having ‘‘great’’ thoughts… I still don’t get bunch of things. My emotions are blocked a bit also… My spirit and the mood is low.
But do you understand this symptom please? Well, its crazy I know, but I am like this now… 
Kisses you all
4 Likes
I find I still need to be patient. I felt something normal for 1 minute today. I need to calm down on ruminating, but without getting dumb either… I have still to overcome my shame and my guilt, my paranoia… Ill have to discover some new imagination, dreams and the hope. But after so many years of isolation, it will take time I think, yes… Its a pity that its so slow here, but I was at the bootm for almost two decades, its too much, I hate this fact 
…
No one? Yeap, I became dumb… everybody knows it and its a suffering too. One of my docs said that the most of the schizophrenics are a bit more arrogant. I guess its not the whole truth, we all know the bottom and the pain here, but I am quite pissed already by my passivity and dumbness. All my ill friends are more clever than me in a way. I was so dumb for years that I wasn’t capable of any functioning in the society. Physically too.
But really, to have been inactive in your mind since 17 years I hate myself for this… It will take me years to recover now that I want it and have hope.
Hey @Anna1. I feel sympathetic with your struggle. Before I started to listen to my voices I used to have a lot of headaches(I felt my head becoming bigger like in a cartoon) and anxiety and I failed a lot in exams. It’s hard doing something with your brain when you are limited. I had horrible years when I had all this problems without knowing where they came from. I used to turned off the internet modem and my cellphone thinking that they were the waves that were causing all my headaches. Just to see how stupid I was 
…
These days(and since I can remember) I feel like veins in my brain when I study a lot, like strong veins popping out my brain. My emotions are blocked too, I can’t cry for years and I had reasons to do it. When I started to hearing my voices they made cry so bad that my tears have dried out… It’s hard… Before I listened to voices I was hypersensitive and cried a lot.
I also feel very dumb with my friends, I try not to say anything I could feel embarrassed after… I’ve always felt the dumbest in my friends group, even with better grades than all of my friends. For example in drinking games I drink the most 
.
I feel shame for what I did in my past too, but that’s something you have to live with. Probably you didn’t knew how your brain worked(at least I didn’t) and you did something without knowing the consequences. Of course if you knew you would feel worst after you probably wouldn’t do it right?
Doing your best it’s all you can do 
1 Like
This topic was automatically closed 90 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.