Schizophrenia.com

Weird thoughts about my childhood friends

i thought we are all connected. and are always reborn together. for example, when i was trying to remember past lives, i thought two girls i know, i used to be married to and even had kids with in a past life. it makes no sense to me that i would be reborn with the same people, so part of me thought they all committed suicide when i died so they would be reborn with me. i don’t struggle with these thoughts anymore, and didn’t struggle with them back then either, it was all just a mystery to me. the thing that worried me is what became of these children of mine? i thought of the prodigal son, and thought the story was really about a man who rediscovers a son from a past life, and is joyous that he brought something great to life. i was really feeling like a loser for not having any kids of my own, so maybe i just fantasized all these situations and was able to recover them from the recesses of my consciousness while meditating and thinking of the past.

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and it’s like the scenario is always changing. one life i will be attractive and popular and successful, and the next life im a loser and poor and outcast. but it’s always the same players and people that i come across in my life.

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I don’t really care about past friends.
I used to have friends but they sort of dropped off.
Now I’m friendless, but I might seek new friends in the future.

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If you have the energy you could write a compelling book. Could be an interesting fantasy story.

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i don’t know if im quite creative enough on meds. alot of time i remember things from my unmedicated life, and have old notebooks, i used to jot down my thoughts on, and i remember these things. my brother used to always tell me i should be writer, and i’ll take your comment as a compliment i guess. so thank you! but i don’t envision writing a book, but never say never.

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if i wrote a book, it would mostly be my attempt to start a new religion haha. so i don’t think i will write one. even if i was reborn, i would probably think it was not for me and would disregard my own religion if it had any cultural authority, maybe not, who knows?

i have always wanted to write a children’s book, i have two characters, Scratchy and Ouchie haha…

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I have recurring dreams about my childhood friends, flying way over to where they live and make a special trip to see them and they don’t even care that I came to see them…

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