i need some ■■■■■■ drugs or something my life is so shitty and boring im ready to kill myself i am tired of taking meds and not being able to do any drugs because of some terrible mental illness i am too young to have my life ruined this early having to take shitty meds i cant even ■■■■■■■ sleep i hate life i think i might hang myself because i have no reason to live i cant even finish high school or do anything I am just a lazy fat ■■■■ i just want to get high again but instead i have to take drugs that make me even more depressed i am gonna try to find me some pills or syrup i know i can get weed easily but weed is ■■■■ to me now i used to steal promethazine with codeine syrup from someone in my family and drink a ■■■■ ton of it and pass out on a couch and snort amphetamines that i stole also and do them all with my friend i no longer have a friend which just makes me want to die even more I am not gonna sit around and live my life like this anymore I am going back to my old ways I don’t care I might go live on the streets because I’m not even wanted by my own family
Oh man I’m so sorry you feel this way. My friend is the same exact way. He says he wants to party and do drugs because otherwise he’s going to kill himself. I told him that “partying gets old really quick”. It really does and it’s not the answer. I used to think my meds were shitty too till I found the ones that work for me. I no longer am reliant on drugs/alcohol. And life is very enjoyable. It’s not the solution. I know I know it’s tough to make the decision between sobriety and doing drugs if you’re an addict. There’s hardly ever room for a middle ground if you’re an addict. And both options seem shitty. But it gets better with time if you get the right meds and…yeah dual diagnosis really sucks. I take this medication called naltrexone which helps with doing drugs and it certainly has lifted my mood by making me not so obsessive about doing drugs. I still think about drugs all the time and have dreams about it and stuff but at least I don’t have shackles on my soul telling me to do drugs. I sometimes get paranoid that people on this board hate when I mention naltrexone because I am OBSESSED with that drug, more than any illicit drugs, but it really has changed my life in such a way it’s unbelievable. If it helps you half as much as it helps me it could really change your life. Opiates aren’t the answer man they’re bad stuff.
Giving up is actually a harder thing to do down the road. It seems easier but it isn’t. I’ve been through some pretty rough times including a four year crack addiction, 8 months in a locked psychiatric hospital, poverty, a psychiatric relapse, suffering, going through hell, hopelessness, suicidal, loneliness, going years when no woman had an interest in me, no friends, etc. Drugs did not help me, it made life harder and more unmanageable.
But I’m 56 years old now. I’m looking back, on being almost steadily employed since I was 22 or 23. I’m three classes away from my college degree. I am looking back on living independently for 20 years, and having had some nice cars and a little money. I’m not just sitting around spending time reminiscing all day. I have a ton of great memories about victories, fun experiences but I also have a lot to look forward too. I have many opportunities to make friends, I have some intelligence, I know a little about people and life which helps me.
But if I had given up when I was legally insane and hopeless and locked up I would have missed out on all this stuff. Of course literally everybody with schizophrenia is going to suffer and feel hopeless for long periods of time. But surviving and coming out the other side is a LOT more common than you would guess. For the people who attempt suicide and survive, I think the majority of them are happy they survived.
There used to be an old saying that I used to hear all the time. A very intelligent person said it’s outdated and not true and that it is aimed at high school kids and not adults but I will put it here and you can take it or leave it. “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. By the way, I am not telling you my story to brag. I am not telling it just for myself. When I tell my story, I tell it as an example of what is possible to do even with this maddening, impossible disease. I tell it to show that when I first got sick there was absolutely nothing special about me. The first two years of my disease I had no future. I had nothing going for me. I had no “gifts” in life. I wasn’t born with good looks, I had no social skills, I was not popular, I rarely was able to defend myself physically or verbally. I wasn’t that brave or daring.
I have to say here, that even with these drawbacks I still had a lot of fun as kid and I had some good friends. But I was a follower, not a leader.
Well, I am going to end this here. I will repeat though, before I go: I write my story to hopefully give people a ray of hope and inspire them and maybe to motivate them. I hope you get something out of this. I came from the pits of hell due to this disease, but at this exact moment, I am relaxing in my room sipping a coke, it is very peaceful and my mind is quiet. I am learning stuff about life that I never would have dreamed of and it makes me happy.
My case of schizophrenia was severe, in the beginning, I can’t put into words the horrors my mind put me through. But I went for a nice drive today in my 2012 Volkswagen and stopped at the drugstore to pick up something and when I got out of my car some guy asked me for a dime and I didn’t have change but we got to talking and we discovered that we are both recovering addicts and so we talked a little about that and I though I know I can’t trust everybody I see, this was a harmless conversation and afterwards I wished him good luck and drove home.
Life is funny on how it can go up and down and it can be horrible and terrifying in one minute and then in the next it can change into something wonderful. This whole post is the reason you should stick around.
I was a shy awkward, average looking, poor, naive 19 year old. If you looked at me the first two years of my disease, you wouldn’t think I had a future. But other people saw a potential in me and in years on this planet I learned that most everybody has some type of potential. So good luck, take care, and live and learn. Goodbye.
The older you get the less important those things will become. You might even regret you ever did drugs. Stay strong and look for something more constructive to fill your life with. Your young and things could really improve in the future.
Best wishes
You don’t need drugs in your life.
Just say “No” 
Don’t give up sigarino.
HEY, don’t let this beat you dude. Have you ever tried third eye meditation?
The first time I saw my third eye, it gave me the biggest surge of happiness. You need to find something else to put your efforts in, something you can throw yourself into if possible!
A manic episode has been the highest I ever been. I just laugh when people talk about doing drugs.
High off my own brain was the highest I ever got. And I tried Ecstasy and pills that were meth, and coke.
Anyway there’s more to life than drugs!
Get a MTN bike and go live it up man