Does anyone else ever wonder if they’re truly alive? I don’t mean in a philosophical since either. See I have this unusual belief that I may not have actually survived my birth. I mean, I was born two months premature back in 1981, and almost died during that time. I was in the hospital for months and even read my last rights and baptized before I left the hospital.
(Usually baptisms aren’t until later on when the baby is a few months old, I was born into a Catholic family, and baptisms happen while you’re still a baby, this is why they say --in my religion-- all children go to Heaven because the children are baptized and do not fully know sin yet; and while I don’t attend Church like I should it’s the religion I relate to the most). But I don’t really want a religious topic right now, it has nothing to do with that.
I often wonder if this is my hell, or my purgatory. Because the voices try to convince me that I did not survive that time as a premature baby. But I know this this wrong, you’re not supposed to age in death…even in hell. And it’s probably more self-centered because why would everyone else around here not connected to my family be here. Why would I have to take these medications? Why? Why to so many things…
I know this is delusional thinking, but it is one that is constantly plaguing my head. I was just wondering if anyone else out there ever felt this way.