The home I have. There are too many hidden agendas and half truths.
I have a lot of unresolved hate and anger at the moment with the immediate relatives around me,
And the kind of violent intent I feel (in this moment) is the “next level up”.
I feel like, if I get all the glassware in the house, and go to the garden, then smash every one by throwing against the wall or the floor - I can resolve the feeling temporarily
Then though, it will come back because I acted on it
And then again, and again, till eventually I be violent on a person, not because of an action in present time but just because all I feel is all the unresolved actions that haven’t been addressed
I don’t really want to go to a nurse and say “hi I have strong resentment” help me, what would you do?
I’m very sorry if I am breaking rules, I just think or want to think, a discussion can solve this or alleviate this
Just to add some of what you’re describing is Resentment. It’s a tough one for me as well.
Don’t get creative in your arguments, and don’t be self deprecating either… you made your point but throwing around the word homicidal is probably over the top.
That’s a better word, resentment, and yeah, that was a / is stupid a word to use, the imagery was all I was grasping at, thank you, resentment is what I mean
Nothing seems to work, it’s all consuming at the time. I like to relax and I don’t want anything to interfere with that and I k ow if I hurt my brother I’d probably regret it and all the hassle that goes with it such as being arrested and sectioned with an even bigger stigma attached to me from being violent, people wouldn’t think I was a good guy and I like people to know I am good and kind hearted and one flash of madness would change all that. I just like not to have anything on my concionse man ya know it’s too stressful, things are just better when you don’t hurt anyone. You still have to live with that nasty feeling of people taking Adavantage of you and getting away with it but it’s better than be sectioned and doing something you would regret in the long term
I take walks regularly, Yes it may calm or soothe my soul but I know the hate and irritation will come back the next time the subject of schizophrenia and it’s affect comes back around. The people in this family (the majority) are the most selfish disgraceful vermin
Ah i see so you have hatred towards there stigma about schizophrenia.
Try to accept there ignorance and refusal to understand.
Most people dont understand that dont have mental illness
These people take you seriously, but they are not the people I think of to seek assistance from - something about the set up just doesn’t live upto my sense of trust ; I’ll be honest - I am afraid of nhs and health services (perhaps still recovering from delusion)
I don’t know how that is possible, landlords don’t accept tenants without guarantors do they?
I am not sure I can present the case of being financially responsible because I have no referees who can vouch for that with and evidence - nobody will say yes. Malik is trustworthy and will meet his financial responsibilities is what I am saying