Very very angry

I’m very very angry at a ‘man’ nearly 25 years in my past.

I still want to get him for what he did.

It makes me angry, emotional, upset, unsettled and right now I want to get drunk to calm down but I’ve no bloody money.

Also I’ve no one to talk to to get it off of my chest. Up here with a mate trying not to get angry. He ain’t into listening to problems you know?

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The thing about being diagnosed is no one takes your life or emotions seriously.

They don’t want to hear it.

Doesn’t matter how much your aching to get it off of your chest.

What happened in my past was an unbelievable amount of suffering and although unrelated to mental illness ‘new’ suppressed memories have opened up that can of worms again.

Ironically if I knew they were real I would have peace of mind. As I don’t I’m just angry at what objectively happened in reality.

Feel like crying really, when I ain’t leaping off the couch wanting to throttle a ‘man’ 25 years in my past.

Any advice would be appreciated.

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So who is that hurting? Him or you? If it’s hurting you and not him, you’re simply allowing him to hurt you some more. Doesn’t make sense to me. Perhaps time to let it go.

Have you tried therapy? Or therapy books?

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You may come by anger honestly. For example, I know a 65 year-old guy who was just in the mental hospital on an involuntary commitment. When he was checking out, he said to the social worker, “Can you believe it? Here I am with two Masters Degrees and a Ph.D. and got Sectioned.” The social Worker said, “Yeah, right.” Only I know this fellow. He definitely has two Masters Degrees and a Ph.D.

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I work with a PhD who can’t differentiate between they’re, there, and their in his writing. It’s embarrassing.

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Uuh. Psychologically I’ve never been able to fully get over it.

Nobody could because of what happened. These new memories completely resolved the situation but if they didn’t happen it’s unresolved so I want to resolve it now.

I know right?

Nothing I say to my care team is believed or even taken seriously even if it’s objectively true.

They don’t even bother checking. They just assume it’s nonsense.

I can’t differentiate them either but so what?

My schoolings decades ago and I get my points across.

So nobody has any advice? Or a lend of a punching bag?

I think you’ve been given advice. You need to find a way to let it go. Plenty of people have done me harm in my life. Sitting around dwelling on it doesn’t do you any good. You are only hurting yourself.

What kind of advice are you looking for exactly? A way to get even?

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Hi.

I hadn’t thought about it in decades until these suppressed memories came up but psychologically nobody could fully resolve it. They really couldn’t.

It’s not simply ‘forget about it’ unfortunately.

What happened is the most awful thing can happen to a man with regards a woman. Awful for her too.

I just need to know if my new memories are real then it will be resolved with regard the ‘man’.

I was violently raped and abused as a kid over a period of years. I manage just fine most of the time in spite of it. People can get over a lot if they’re willing to.

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Sorry to hear.

I was abused every which way as a kid too.

I’m over it pretty much.

In a psychological context what I’m talking about right now is different. What happened to me literally destroyed my mind a quarter of a century ago. The emotional stuff around it was a cakewalk in comparison.

I ain’t being contrary for the sake of it either. Its just how it was.

Write down everything vent on paper

This can help more than youd think

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I’ve loads of notebooks on it but sometimes a more human interaction is great. An ear you know?

Writing, writing, writing while having nothing to show an interest in it but an hallucination feels like chasing my own tail at this point.

I should be a vegetable after what happened to me but by some miracle I’m not.

But I understand people have their own issues. Just a problem shared you know? My suppressed memories make things feel like 2001 just happened yesterday. To the point I feel strange in my middle aged body…

Why do you care about other peoples spelling so much? I’ve seen you correct people multiple times on here, myself included. Don’t be a grammar nazi. Those people are miserable and annoying.

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Also a waste of time. Better things to discuss.

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It’s the very foundation of our civilization. Also because I’m married to an English teacher.

Generally for fun - you didn’t notice the emojis?

Some people certainly are.

[ pats @TheCanuck on the ankle and says, “they’re, there, their.” ]

[ hides back under couch with Thesaurus and oversized lollipop ]

:grin:

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I am still writing them wrong but cant be bothered refreshing myself on the correct way cos I still get my points across.

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Anyway I need to find out if my new memories are real. Then things will resolve generally pretty fast.