If my account still here I’m scared I would be overshare because I trust people on this forum a little bit too much
My doctor said I look like i’m happy with my delusion
after that when something that remind me of my delusion I feel like I got triggered
flash back of his words, the memories when he said that
always come to my head
made me overthinking that he mean I’m faking
“Why do you look like you having so much fun”
I have this delusion since long time ago I guess
I’m not sure if I vent this already ughh my schizo ruin my brain so bad I barely remember a thing
I live with them, having them as friends(or worst enemy)
like social withdrawal
because I prefer them over real people
so when I draw them or did video about them(art)
people bothering me, I just want to post it
So I hide it all in private, stop posting art online
at first I think It’s fine to post my art here
since it’s my delusion it link to schizo
but then doctor words haunting me
Am I faking it? Am I stigma?
Yes I never ask for schizo diagnosed
and he(doctor) is the one who give me diagnosed and claim it to be delusion
control my treatment at all hospital I go
More I say about delusion I feel more fake
but doctor said it’s delusion it’s schizo
I want to disappear because I’m a stigma
I wonder If my doctor think I’m faking why won’t he give me factitious disorder
instead of giving hint of me being faker and give schizo in my dx
sorry for vent again don’t mind me or take me too serious
