Schizophrenia.com

Upon being different among the different

But not in a good way. I don’t know. I like people a lot of the time. I hate people sometimes. I discovered this past year that I can talk to strangers. I suck at flirting but I can be friendly to a lot of girls and I usually get a friendly response. But, I am a loner in lots of situations. I always wanted to be accepted and liked and most of the time I felt like I had neither of those things.

Even in the many, many programs, hospitals, group homes,etc I have been in my life, I’m still on the outside. Different. I’m even different from the people who consider themselves to be different. It’s called being different among the different. It bothers me.

My dad tried to help me. He knew I had a rough time in life. He knew that a lot of things that came easy to most people were difficult to me. I was never as cool as my friends. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a lot of cool things in my life and I am as cool as a lot of people here on this site and probably even cooler than others. But yeah, I think my dad knew I was akward and I think he knew how bad I felt about myself a lot of the time and he wanted to build me up and he wanted to see me do good. He once told me, “I don’t know what your problem is but you are just hair away from being really, really cool”.

I think I turned that corner and I am a pretty cool. Sorry about obsessing about being cool, folks, lol. Life is much, much, more than being cool. Enough of that soliloquy. Today was good in some ways and bad in other ways. I bought a new phone today! I had my old phone for 7 years but it broke in half in my pocket so I told my roommate and he went with me downtown to a place he knew and I got a brand new phone. Nothing fancy but I’m excited about it.

I met with my new therapist for the first time today. She’s cute!! Damn! when is God (or satan) going to stop throwing these sexy doctors and therapists at me? I sit two feet away from them and they look so good and sexy but there’s not a darn thing I can do about it. I think you understand what I mean.

But yeah, she’s pretty and she seems real nice and the first meeting went OK. Work is going OK. Some things in my life are working out but others aren’t. But everybody can say that, right? Was today a good day for me? I’m not sure, I have to think about it for awhile.

Y’all have a nice evening and remember, one defeat or setback does not define your life. One setback does not mean that the rest of your life is over. One setback does not mean you will never get to do anything else you want. It just might take time to get what you want.

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I been wondering how many of us are charismatic when symptoms allow. I just didnt realize how good i had it being able to engage strangers and stand up for others until this last break down. Ive kinda lost my “cool” ability. And being unable to work was a bigger blow to my self worth than i thought. Im glad you shared and i enjoy reading your posts

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@77nick77 I think you’re pretty darn cool, precisely because you are very kind, intelligent, and have a terrific sense of humor.

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I also think you’re cool Nick :slight_smile:

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Thanks, @Minnii. The feeling is mutual.

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Thanks @Moonbeam. That’s nice of you.

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I really appreciate your posts. You always put yourself out there just as you are, and I think you help others by being so real. I am different as well and always have been. It doesn’t matter where I am, who I’m with, what group, belief, diagnosis…I’m always always “odd-person-out”. (Literally) I’m ok with it more than I used to be, and my life is pretty good right now, but I never really get used to having no one truly understand.

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I’m a late bloomer. I grew up talking to no one but my two friends. Now I am friendly and I talk to strangers and store clerks and other people. And it’s fun! I take normal precautions of course because by the time most people hit 24 or 25 lot of them have done some weird, crazy stuff and you can’t tell by looking at them. Well, I’ve done a few weird crazy things too so people better not underestimate me.