They’re all over the place. It’s not good. They’re volatile. And that’s when things get dangerous. I’m trying to keep myself together. It’s not working. My head is exploding and my fear is growing. I try to talk but the words are caught. In between my mouth and stomach. I choke. It’s all falling apart and unwinding and I cant stop it. Bad things on the horizon. I dont know if I can handle this. I dont know if I can deal with this. I wish I had never known. I wish they had never said he was gone. I wish I could have gone on believing a lie.