I don’t know how much I’ve written here about my gender identity, but I’m having a bad gender day.
I’m unhappy with everything.
I’m unhappy with my big breasts and how they dictate what I can wear, how people look at them and comment about them, how I can’t hide them, etc.
I’m unhappy with my big glasses and my long hair, I’m unhappy with the clothes I’ve bought for the past four years to “play the part” of a woman when I don’t even want to be one, I’m unhappy with my body in general…
I just don’t know what to do to make myself feel better.
I suppose I should align my insides and outsides, and I already have a haircut scheduled.
I just hope I won’t have to explain why I cut and dyed my hair to people 9000 times.
I want to tell my siblings I want neutral hoodies for christmas, but I’m scared they’ll ask why.
I’m sick of having a female body.
I’m sick of being scared to look the way I want to look.
I’m sick of having to fit in.
I’m sick of everything.
I’m so sorry friend. You are awesome even if you don’t feel like it. You can get through these feelings by remembering how courageous and strong you are. Hugs and take care of yourself. Sit down. Have your favorite drink. And breath.
It’s really scary. And when/if you do start to transition, there will be some people who accept it and some who don’t. And then you have to decide whether or not to keep those people in your life. But I’m much happier now that my outside matches my inside a bit better.
If you are interested, there’s a few programs that help transmasc people get binders for free. I can look some up for you. GC2B is a really good brand, and so is Flavnt. I don’t recommend buying any from Amazon because most of their binders are uncomfy at best and dangerous at worst.
There is one program that’s international.
Remember to move at your own pace whenever you have feelings about gender. People can pressure you either way. There will be people that support you no matter what. Me and my roommates used to help my last partner put on binders whenever they wanted, and wore dresses with them when they wanted. It’s a new world.
I don’t feel courageous or strong right now.
I feel like I used to be, but then something inside me broke and I started trying to conform because I became scared of being alone
@ninjastar Thank you
I’ll check out that website immediately!
I know you don’t. Keep telling yourself that you are of value and you have the right to be who you are. People will respect your identity because you are confident. Hold your head up high and believe that you can be yourself.
I had difficulties with my identity as well. The year i was born, my race, my name,the lingo i use. Denial, depression, anger, grief and finally acceptance.
I will say that I don’t bind anymore, because I could never get a realistic effect. It always just made me look like I had a weirdly shaped body, but still with boobs. Now, I rely mostly on interestingly patterned shirts and sweater vests to blend in. Or the two sports bras method.
I would just look the way you want to look.
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