I don’t know what is wrong with me lately…I guess it’s just the end of the month blues with poverty but I don’t think it’s that…it’s different this time…feeling lower than usual…I think it’s partly due to not knowing when life is going to change for me…I want a change…I started exercising but that isn’t enough to cheer me up…my mind tends to attack me lately with thoughts like “she’s dead, and she’s not coming back” about Julie my ex that killed herself two years ago this november…I couldn’t save her…and it depresses me. I also reminisce which is rare for me but lately it’s all I do…college days…architectural design days…never to return…I just want to go to Heaven.
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I understand. I’m hoping things turn around for you soon. Thinking of you ((hugs)).
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Sorry you’re feeling like this,
I hope you feel better soon.
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I hope you feel better soon @jukebox.
You have a lot to be thankful for.
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Sorry @jukebox. I hope you’re better soon
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Can you do a part time job? Like, the easiest jobs you can think of. I might peer coach just 6 hours per week, for example. Just sit there and talk with a client… you can pull in an extra $100-200 per month just from that??
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So sorry for your loss @jukebox.
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I hope you feel better soon.
I’m sorry you’re going through this @jukebox but reminiscing at our age is normal. I bet you did a lot of fun and cool stuff in your youth to think about. Everything in moderation though.
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Hope you feel better… sorry youre going through this…
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I agree with tukey about getting a job. It’ll change your focus to other positive things and can help to get you out of poverty. People were made to work and not sit around at home all day. I know when I was working I could focus on the tasks and chat with my coworkers and those things had positive effects on me plus I could afford to eat and get all my needs met.
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This is weird! Today has been abnormally difficult for me to. My boyfriend passed two months ago and today I kept crying and saying I could’ve saved him, I wish I had saved him over and over again. I keep hoping it was a mistake or a bad dream.
Thank you everyone for the well wishes…really means a lot to me…
I can’t work…just can’t.
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Hello @jukebox,
I am so sorry for your loss. Losses are tough and grief is hard. Your loss of your beloved must be so tough for you.
Please allow me to share a personal bit of my story.
I had a near-death situation when I had my seizures. I suddenly felt euphoric and I felt like I was looking at my dead body in a distance. I was having them at an emergency ward, and I was fighting for my life. Everything was hazy. I was so done with my life, and I just wanted the pain to stop.
Then I saw my horrified mom who was crying uncontrollably. She didn’t want me to die.
And then I realized I must live and I must not give up. I must live my life, no matter how sick I am, for others who did not survive.
A lot of people who have seizures don’t survive. I was lucky to survive. Although I have muscular dystrophy, I am grateful for my life. Your life is valuable and I’m sure that Julie is extremely proud of you. She must be so so proud that you are staying strong. She remembers everything about you- which I believe this to be true as I have a sister up there- and she’s in peace now.
Please don’t give up. Your life is precious; you are beautiful, inherently amazing, and strong.
I know it’s really hard right now. When I think about what I will become, I am terrified.
But don’t let that take you away. Please remember that your memory of Julie lives in you.
Blessings!
rest in peace to all those who lost their lives.
(and also, I love you, my beautiful sister!)
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@jukebox, can you volunteer once per week? That’s less stressful than working. People usually treat volunteers really well.
I wish I had your problem because I don’t know how to grieve and I really need to. I’ve always been too tough. Your situation is ok with me even if it is painful.
Sometimes He is not done with us.
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@gobeyond thank you for saying that…last night I found hope to overcome my fear of getting old…really old…but my mom has taken care of me in the will so I will be wealthy in my elderly years…
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