Understanding BPD

[Cici2]

So as you all that have read my past posts about brother in law’s, sister in laws and family. I thought I’d bring up my sister in law, my husband’s sister. So she was away helping a friend while they were on their death bed. Ok, now we all were wondering where she was because she said she’d be there shortly. She was a no show and didn’t inform anyone about her whereabouts or situation. She did however leave her 17 year old daughter to convey the message that she’d be absent and why. Nothing, she didn’t inform us and we all became worried for her. We texted and blew up her phone to see if she was in trouble. Ok, now recently she’s been FIRED from her job at Wendy’s which her mother had helped her get. Her mom (my mother in law) has been a cheerleader and big support for her, then suddenly she fails to call in sick. So she gets fired. She had supposedly made her 17 year old call in sick for her. Anyway, she’s not replied to anyone’s txts or calls. She’s acknowledged them (said her mom) but she says she’s trying to get her life together. I’m starting to see how her BPD affects everyone around her. It was her responsibility to let her mom know what was happening. I say this, because she was PO’ed when she found out everyone was worried. My husband says everything around her always falls apart, but I’m starting to wonder if SHE is the one CAUSING things to fall apart around her and then complains when it does. How do we help somebody like her? Her daughter has obviously been lashing out at her by what she tells us about her mom. Her mom has abused drugs and people in front of her for years. I am someone she comes to to talk about this, so my question is, how can I help them? At the moment she’s (sister in law) ghosted us, because no calls or replies. Daughter is 17 and is about to graduate in a year, and I’m told sister in law doesn’t want her to graduate. My husband has expressed that his sister is a parasite and he refuses to help them. I feel stuck, because my sister in law has helped me in the past. Is this self destructive behavior and how can I help without coming out of this hurt?

She’s still unsure if she has Bipolar or BPD. Her daughter says she Bipolar so don’t know.

[Cici2]

She has been put on many AP’s and has this tea regimen that she follows religiously. She uses a lot of natural herbs and eats pretty well, salads, protein and such. She has a number of tools under her belt. I worry she’ll start using drugs again. She’s been a recovering addict for 1-2 years now. She’s prone to addictions.

[rogueone]

My ex mrs was low bi polar. She was crazier than me.

All you can do is be supportive. Don’t lend money or anything but offer emotional support. I get tired of the poor decisions she makes but that is a reason I walked away all those years ago. It really can be just as bad for your function and add a drug addiction it’s an almost perfect storm…

You can only do what you do and look after yours. If she doesn’t come to the party you can’t feel guilty. It saddens me I couldn’t change anything of that behavior…still to this day.