I told my therapist I was not enlightened I just had a lot of knowledge. I’ve read a lot of junk and have a great memory. But I cannot realize split. I don’t use my conscious mind much. I don’t feel like I can comprehend anything anymore and for a long time it’s been this way. I confirmed my existence by reading. Now I’m unable to read much of anything, I stopped because it made me arrogant. I don’t want to be separate from my peers. I’m cut off. It’s always been my nature to be prideful and self righteous. “That deaf, dumb, and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball”.