I have some ugly memories when I was so aggressive … I am not sure why I was like that - always rebellious
I wish I could erase some memories of the ugly past.
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I engaged in illogical aggressive behavior as well. Taking medication reduces the likelihood that I act out like that. It is incredible what fools we make of ourselves while suffering from mental illness. I cringe at a lot of the things I did, I said.
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I went through a phase of being upset by memories of things I did before I was diagnosed.
Part of the reason I got through it, was just realising that I was undiagnosed, untreated, unmedicated, and mentally ill.
Also, the more “stable” years I managed to get under my belt, the easier it was to deal with them. I began to see myself as the person I am now, and not the one I used to be.
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it wasn’t that bad… but I had some aggression when in school when I was 7-8 then it became carelessness and ignorance… then when I traveled, I was isolated so it turned into bursts of anger like a psychopath. I remember once I shouted at a guy int he office in front of my boss. I am surprised why he didn’t fire me at that moment.
then when my extreme symptoms started to come around february 2010 - it was a disaster and it broke down to extreme psychosis in 2011 and I was untreated for a period of 15 months. People around me did not even know I am sick, it is not very tangible/visible/clear most people think I am just moody and a bad person.
I just regret I guess - so I am just trying to forget.
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