Two schizophrenics walk into a bar


What do you call two guys from Mexico playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.


Why are there so many ‘Smiths’ in the phone book?

Because they all have phones.


What’s the difference between ignorance and Apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.


I’ll reserve that joke for another time🤓


A man took his dog to the vet and asked if something could be done about the dogs eyes being crossed.
The vet picks up his dog and examens his eyes, then says;
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to put him down.”
Horrified, the man cries;
“What? Your’re going to put him down just because his eye’s are crossed?”
“No,” the vet says,
“I’m going to have to put him down because he’s heavy.”


Two guys are in a doctors waiting room. They get chatting.
1st guy “What you here for”.
2nd guy “I’ve a red ring around my willie and I’m a bit worried about it”.
1st guy “That’s strange. I’m here because I’ve a green ring around mine”.
2nd guy is called in and comes out 10 mins later looking very relieved. “I’m gonna be fine.”
1st guy is called in and the doc examines his willie.
Doc says “Sorry, your willie will have to be amputated”.
Guy “What the HELL! The guy before me had almost the same problem and his was fine”.
Doc “His was a red ring and your’s is green”.
Guy “What the Hell is the bloody difference??!!”
Doc “His was lipstick, your’s is gangrene”.


Why did the sz cross the road?

He was following a massive chicken


How many fly’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. They’re damn exhibitionists.


Knock Knock.
whos there?
Daisy who?
Daisy see me rollinnnn they hatin


Damn, I don’t understand that at all. It’s probably very important though.

Daisy is a cows name!


its a reference to an old rap song i heard in high school lol.

this parody of it is funny


Q - How many schizophrenics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - That depends on a LOT of different factors.


How many Catholic priests does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let’s light a candle instead.

That isn’t a naked flame is it? Tut tut…


Nicely cryptic but
what’s it mean?


All those naked flames in church…God would blush if he was there.


Two skunks walked into a bar. The bartender told them they could stay and talk as long as they Sayed it, not sprayed it.

Sorry all. With the funds you gave me I couldn’t afford a better joke.



two gender neutral guys walk into a bar

Owchhh who put that bar there?


Hic. Hic. Hic.

Two guys is peeing off a bridge. One guy says the water is cold. Dah odder says it’s deep too.


2 Stoners smoked a couple joints and then went for a drive. They got in a car accident. They forgot to open the garage door. :owl:


Sounds like you speak from experience.