Two schizophrenics walk into a bar


Yeah i was. I thought I seen something in your b"ear"d


‘‘I am Legion.’’


How many mindfulness therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

‘We should all just accept the lightbulb the way it is.’


We shouldn’t judge the lightbulb, just let the thought that it doesn’t work float in and out of your consciousness!

Without reacting to it or judging it!


How many Scientologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

‘All these people going around trying to change lightbulbs is just one big conspiracy. There is nothing wrong with the lightbulbs!’


Holy Crap. Tttttttt


How many Catholic priests does it take to change a lightbulb?

‘As long as the lightbulb never enjoys anything then it’s fine.’


The chief physician at a mental institution asks a patient claiming to be Napoleon Bonaparte how he reached that conclusion.

“God told me that!”

Another patient interferes: “Certainly I did not!”


How many Catholic priests does it take to change a lightbulb?

‘That would be an ecumenical matter.’

  1. But hide all the altar boys while they’re doing it.


OK maybe I just found this funny because it was sort of random. I laughed at the brutal honesty. It is harsh but truthful.


Well, he’s entitled to his opinion. Doesn’t make him right.


All opinions are like arseholes,
Everybody has one,
and they all stink.


A bartender wasn’t looking where he’s going and walks into a horse and says, “Excuse me, pardon me, but why the long face?”


Hilarious! I’’ve heard that joke!


A priest, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar. The bartender says ‘is this some sort of joke?’.


What’s brown and sticky?

A Stick !:grimacing:


What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?

A stick !

Aw, it was funny to me…


What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto


Don’t worry, if I was in second grade again I would be cracking up and telling all my friends.