Two schizophrenics walk into a bar


A man was walking into a bar. Waiting outside was a boy and a dog.
The man asked the boy, “Does your dog bite?” The boy said, “No sir my dog doesn’t bite.”

The man leaned over and patted the dog on it’s head. The dog bit the man’s finger nearly off
and blood was going everywhere. The man was screaming in pain and said,
" Hey boy I thought you said, your dog doesn’t bite?"

The boy grinned and said, “That ain’t my dog lol”


Two schizophrenics walk into a bar…and then both leave out different exits because neither believe it was just a “coincidence” that another schizophrenic walked into that same bar at the exact same time, so they both decided to elude each other by taking different routes home, all the while disabling their GPS on their cell phones and saving an emergency “I’m being stalked, if I disappear, it was that schizophrenic in the bar that killed me” texts in their phones in case their suspicions of sudden assassination are true.


Check please!!!
“I’m sorry your food was so slow in getting here, sir. We had a problem with the stove”.


LOVE IT :slight_smile: I can relate. I have to share this on FB. Thanks for a good morning chuckle.


Can’t stop laughing


How many pdocs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but first the lightbulb has to want to change.


how many pdocs does it take to change a lightbulb?

one, they’re all friggin geniuses


Psychiatrists don’t change light bulbs. They hire handyman to do it with all the money they earn off of the backs of all their schizophrenic patients.


She says, “I’m not your enemy”

I said, “That sounds like something that my enemy would say”

Instead of playing off the chemistry she said, “You’re being difficult”

I said, "I’m being guarded. You’re a quarter mil in debt, I get more guidance from my barber


How many amnesiacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don’t know. I forget



Why did the schizophrenic throw his toast outside?

He wanted to see a butterfly


I suppose if I had a choice between diseases, I would prefer to be a schizophrenic kleptomaniac.After all, you never feel alone…and if it gets too bad, you can always take something for it.


2 schizos walk into a bar. 1 schizo leaves.

thread just got serious.


That’s pretty ominous.


That is a good one.


When you have D.I.D. and you’re asking your alters to help you think of something hilarious to contribute to this thread…


Ask your alter to google it instead.




I’m not argueing…but wasn’t that other schizphrenic looking at me funny??