Two schizophrenics walk into a bar


#1

Two schizophrenics walk into a bar. One of them says “Ouch” .
His friend thinks to himself in his head, “Wow, what a wimp”.
The first guy answers back out loud., “Hey I resent that. You owe me an apology”.

The second guy says, “Screw you. You think you’re god almighty or something special”? You think you’re here to save mankind or something?"
The first guy answers back, “Yes! Yes! That’s what I love about you. You understand me like no one else ever does.”

So they both were so happy at this communication that they walked to the store together and for the first time in two weeks, they happily ignored the 13 black vans with the license plates “77777” that followed them wherever they went and filmed their every move.


#2

Lol great 2 people walk into a bar joke


#3

love it when it’s original, :slight_smile:


#4

Q: How many schizophrenics does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Oh SHUT up! No, YOU shut up!!


#5

Okay…I just made that one up. :wink:


#6

It takes 1000 schizophrenics to change a light bulb.
One to hold the bulb in the socket, and 999 to turn the house.


#7

Girl meets a guy in a Bar…

Girl: My name is Carmen. I named myself that because I like cars and men!

Guy: I did the same thing! I named myself after the things I like!

Girl: Really? What’s your name?

Guy: BJ Tits 'n Golf!


Funny names
#8

His friends gave him the nickname, “Greedy”.
You can’t have all three buddy. You have to give up one of them.


#9

Lol how many nomies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10…1 to screw in the light bulb and 9 to throw poop at each other…


#10

what’s your name?

Bunny.

So what do you like?

I like a long, hard carrot.

Too much danger there, it’s orange after all.

You’ll be a near miss, like all the cars I’ve dodged.

Did I miss something?

I don’t always hop, hop right into bed.


#11

What do you get when you put two sz who both believe they are God in one room with a single bed?

A: A crusade.


#12

How many pdocs to screw in a light bulb?
21, 1 to screw in the light bulb, 10 to analyze him coldly, and 10 more to prescribe the light bulb a med…


#13

Lol nice @Sharp i can see them asking the light bulb how that makes it feel


#14

maybe asking, Do you see the light now?


#15

Q: How many Linguistic Art Majors does it take to decipher the handwriting on my doctor’s prescription note?


#16

“Its better to light one candle under the psychiatrists ass. then it is to curse the darkness of their hearts”.


#17

Watt? Watt? A 60-100-150?


#18

That got me laughing really hard XD.

@flameoftherhine I’m going to give it a go
How many normies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: 15, 1 to screw in the light bulb and 14 to give their two cents on what the light bulb should do to cure its darkness…sound familiar, anyone?


#19

My favorite joke:

“I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, ‘Thanks’. I said, ‘Don’t mention it.’.’”


#20

And to screw in that light bulb, it they charge a $100 an hour.