I’m so disappointed in myself. It was just a small cut but I know I opened a can of worms. I’m already subconsciously planning when I can do it again. It’s like I can’t stop now that I’ve started because I already ■■■■■■ my progress. 4 years of progress. It’s better than killing myself I guess.
Better yet, I haven’t told my partner. I don’t know how or if I should even tell him. He’s gunna be so disappointed. I can’t face that. I’m such a coward. Such a disappointment. A failure. God I wish I could just sleep and not wake up. I’m just so tired.
Sorry to trauma dump. I needed to vent but I’m officially done wasting everyone’s time with this rant.
You are not a disappointment or a failure of any of that. You are strong and I am glad you’re still here so keep going and keep fighting. Talk with your doctor, write it out… be in nature…
I was a cutter for a really long time. The first time was on my 13th birthday, I tried to stop several times and then stopped completely in 2016 at 30. I still feel like doing it at times, but I do something else, like listen to music, watch something funny, journal or meditate. Therapy helped a lot and so does self care and affirmations.
Thank you @LunaNoir for the kind words. I also started at around that age. I thought I was done 4 years ago. But clearly I am not. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I’m pretty embarrassed that I’m a couple years away from 30 and still struggling with this. So thanks for sharing your ages of when you struggled too. It helps me to realize it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. And that there’s time to stop.
oh bitter cat I’m so sorry for you don’t be to hard to yourself that’s just a little thing that can happen.
I’ve had a hard fight against alcohol the last 21 years.
The first 10 years I slippered into drinking on occasions and gush was I disappointed of myself. No improvements without a fight so today I’m sober.