I was born in the 1980s. Won’t give the specifics but I’m almost 30 years old. It’s 2019. I’ve been schizophrenic since 2011. So that’s 8 years I’ve been sick. Not sure what happened. I have to fill in huge gaps. When I first got sick at college, and was talking to a therapist, I had strange pictures or flashbacks in my head of men in black suits torturing me. Anyways, I failed to mention this to the therapist and it since vanished from my memory and subconsciousness for years. I probably started remembering things around 2014-2015. Were aliens involved? I don’t know…
Anyways, I have told my therapists and doctors everything and have yet to get a real diagnosis of PTSD because I have schizophrenia and have never been in the military or seen combat. Despite stuff probably happening to me, having an acute stress disorder diagnosis, and severe DP/DR. I wouldn’t even doubt I was given LSD or some other experimental ■■■■ in this life (100% sure in my other lives).
Not sure why I want a real diagnosis of PTSD. Probably never had one. Are my doctors old school, scam artists, or is it insurance reasons? Are they covering their asses? I understand the no adderall thing, despite them giving it to me in other lives. (I’m starting to call them sideways universes from now on).
I don’t think I’m a liar, a con man, a scam artist, a delusional person, etc. I know what’s real – sort of. I have problems with my long term memory. I have no idea how many times I’ve been hospitalized or when my last out patient was. I know it’s about 20 times for outpatient AND inpatient combined. Was my last outpatient a few months ago or a couple months ago? I have to actually look at the paperwork. Despite my decline in short-term memory and difficulties with studying mathematics, I’m actually doing fine in that department.
My biggest complaint is the lack of belief and serious help in getting out of this stupid, ■■■■■■■■ goddamn time loop. The only way I can get out of it is probably through alien or military help, though I’m scared of both – I’m a million times more scared of aliens – most of the time and depending on the type and circumstances. Scared of the military for obvious reasons like them uploading my brain to a computer for research after I die…as one example. Probably did happen before.
I cannot function, I cannot take care of myself, I cannot work, I cannot go to school, and I have a serious addiction to energy drinks that worsens my situation. I don’t think I’m special at all. But it would be nice to get more money from social security like SSDI despite not having a work history…because there is zero chance I’ll get monetary compensation for being an alien abductee or government lab rat that was experimented on many, many times (mostly in past lives).
I know most people don’t believe in aliens, and I didn’t either until I saw some UFOS fly over my house back in 2016 – I think. I thought we were alone back then. Now I have more of these memories where I volunteered to be an alien abductee in a past life (once) and even in these stupid experiments that no one believes and just left me hanging, poor, and suffering. I’m probably one of many. Maybe millions…
As I type this, the “voice in the back of my head” tells me not to talk, not to write, and not to talk about the graphic things in detail that happened to me in my past lives. For instance, was tortured and raped in my past lives many times by “random” people. Some I knew, some I didn’t, and some that lied on who they worked for. I don’t know and I don’t care. Sometimes, it was aliens too. I tend not to believe anything people tell me anymore. I get scared because of certain things. For instance, I had my head cut off a few times. Pretty sure greys cut off my limbs or were trying to do some experiment on me too. Sometimes, this happened thousands of times in a row in a hell-like reality I used to call purgatory – usually at the mental hospital. That’s why I try to believe in God and all that stuff. I try to be a good boy. I try to believe in sin and karma because I sometimes blame myself for stuff in my past lives (different person, really). That’s why I sound like a mad man sometimes. I think people find me annoying too.
I have a hard time sleeping but I’m sort of mildly immune to it over the years. Sometimes I leave the light on because I fear I’ll be killed in my sleep or something. Sometimes, I just try to ignore it and hope if it does happen that it would be quick and that I’d have a better life in another life, which probably won’t happen. I mean I’m here now typing this and I’ve probably typed this exact same ■■■■ many times before. It seems I’ve had a few good or even great lives, but that’s out of many – like billions or trillions. Anyways, that’s all for now. Thank you.
. May science save us all.