it feels like the difference between good and bad got flopped. or warped. or never was displayed to me accurately in the first place. like stuff that is believed to be good is actually bad and stuff believed to be bad is actually good. and there is a way to solve everything if i can figure out what does what. but trying to figure that out isnt easy if you cant tell what is truely something good and truely not good (or maybe nothing is good or bad). everything becomes really grey. like when truths are displayed they might actually be displayed by brainwashing but how do we know its not all false and know whats real. like everything comes at me as a ULTERIOR MESSAGE…like behind those messages are bad motives. its really all hard for me to figure out and i try not to think to deep on all this. but 90 percent of what people say feels like there are ulterior motives behind it. every commercial i hear in the distance and every news something i hear mentioned by someone and everything around me. most of what people say. like they are f*cking around with me. i try to make them stop (i tell them not to talk to me or dont tell me about news or whatever they are talking about that feels suspicious or malicious)…but more than that its like everything that happens can be caused by something small that cant easily be seen or realized. that pain is caused by the computers waves…or maybe its caused by some other everyday outside source…but with so many outside sources around its hard to solve anything. maybe its caused by water, or toothpaste…maybe a gory vision in the eyes is caused by waves, or some other world stuff like demonic or governmental or a chemical…or whatever with everything around…anyway this got of track…
As far as I can tell, there seems to be at least a subset of individuals who go on to be diagnosed with a psychotic disorder who become quite fascinated and perhaps caught up with themes of good and evil. I was one such individual and still am to a lesser extent. Just as what I’ve come to recognize as being “psychotic” symptoms began to emerge, I thought I had realized an ultimate truth of sorts that involved some individuals being inherently good and others who were trying to tempt the inherently good individuals into hurting and killing each other. But, as the case seems to be with you, I didn’t know exactly who was good and who was evil, and it seemed like it was my mission of sorts to figure this mystery out. I ultimately came to the conclusion through what seemed to be a revelation of sorts that nobody was really evil, and for the most part, I’ve held this view (that nobody’s truly evil, even though anyone can do evil things) since then. Still, though, it’s hard to shake the idea that maybe there really is some sort of spiritual warfare going on and that for whatever reason, I was just able to see it during the earliest phase of what I’ve come to call my psychosis, and no longer can.
Anyway, I basically wanted to let you know that I can sort of identify with what you’re going through, at least in the sense that I’ve had similar experiences (and still sometimes do, to a lesser extent). I do think that the puzzles we seem to be faced with solving are indeed largely elusive and that the best way to be good is to actually do good things for others and ourselves (and to more or less leave our fascinations with good and evil behind). Depending on what symptoms we have to contend with, though, doing what I just said is oftentimes easier said than done.
It’s ironic to me that I’ve been treated much better by the bad people the good people warned me about.
It helps to understand peoples motives behind their behavior naturally, it never hurts to ask someone " what’s in it for you"?
Commercials are easy, they want you to give them your money…simple.
Same as the government, except they want you to do it quietly.
I never thought about it, but it’s so true. So very true.
Yes, exactly again. I am always getting dirty looks in the neighborhood a few blocks away. Maybe they think I’m going to steal their trash. The gates on the houses, the level of paranoia almost beats my own, and I’m diagnosed. In the “bad” areas, I’ve had more help and kinder words then the rich areas. These people have everything and they can’t even be polite or civil.
I too have gotten treated badly by “God’s good christians” So much for Christian charity and civility. I do NOT trust Christians. When I was homeless, our little camp was plagued by these Christian do goodiers, who didn’t want to do any good.
Just pray the illness away.
What is a Red state?
Would that be everything east of the rockies or only where “Hella” is actually a word?
Please don’t judge all Christains based on your experance. Some of us are kind, well mannered, respectful and always ready to give a helping hand. I too detest these Christains (so called) they are vial and dirty. Not all of us are.
Thank you for that. I am working on opening my mind about this.
I have to admit now that the Westboro Baptist Church has finally been registered as a hate group and the “White Knights of a Christian America” group has finally been shut out of Seattle. (yep… good ole church of the KKK) and the Republican Bible Rewrite project has been fading away…
I’m feeling less afraid of some of the Christians I meet. The radical hate groups really did damage to a lot of good churches. There were quite a few homeless guys in my camp who like me, eventually had to equate church with hate group. We stayed far away because we were tired of being beaten up. It seemed like all the good church goers were advocating stuff like this…
But the unfortunate killing of Tuba Man really turned the Seattle churches around. Tuba man was a musician with the symphony who fell homeless. He was beaten to death in front of Safeco field one night.
But it seems like some of the REAL churches have been speaking out against killing off homeless people for being homeless. But for a few years there, if you saw a bible in someone’s hand… run away because they have a gun on them somewhere and there is only ONE reason why a person with a bible would EVER come near a homeless camp… it was never for good intentions.
Times are changing, I will hopefully learn to change with them. As real churches begin to act like real churches then the fear among some of the homeless will begin to fade. My fear will hopefully fade with it.
Hopefully hopefully, What goes on is wrong beyand imagaination. Even for a Christain to own a gun is a contradiction to their faith and goes against everything Jesus talks about. I know Texas is a huge Christain State and full of guns, I honestly don’t understand it, I know it’s in the law of your land that everyone has a right to own one, but as I said it’s a contradiction for a christain to own one.
I’m glad these fake churches are closing down, They should be burnt down if you ask me, But even the small churches have massive faults, The rich are noticed and the poor are looked down on. What happend to all are equal in the eyes of God? Yea it’s what they preach …
As a Christain I would love to find a perfect church, But I don’t believe it’s posable to find such a place in this day of age. Everything is over run by gangsters, even the nice gangsters that shake your hand or give you a brotherly hug. It’s all about numbers, The more people that go to a church the more money is taking in… I personally think churches are a new business, tax free and everything.
It’s such a shame, It’s such a scam, But I will hold my faith none the less because it’s what I know to be true.
I really hope one day your fear of them is ridden. And you have the chance to see a true Christain for what he’s ment to be. His duty.