We have all heard the expression “people pleaser” which is used in a derogatory sense. Why is it derogatory. Because people pleasing is an attempt to hijack other people’s aims, to share what is not yours.
If someone’s aim coincides with your own then you can work together to achieve it, co-operate.
If someone’s aim differs from your own then you can compete to achieve your aim.
But if someone’s aim differs from your own and you try to achieve it for them, that is seeking to achieve an aim that does not belong to you.
This is why it is ignoble and is one of the diseases of the heart mentioned in my book.
I have often fallen into this trap in the past, I need to be vigilant that I don’t fall into it again.
But if you try to help people achieve there aims now they might help you achieve yours later.
If someone asks you to help them achieve an aim, then you can decide whether to help them or not, if you are trying to help someone who hasn’t asked you in order to “please” them, then you are essentially not helping them, but trying to steal their praise.
I always say, Keep ‘em guessin’.
Don’t test how nice I am.
When helping you is hurting me, that’s codependence.
yea this is what I need to be careful about, under certain circumnstance I become a people pleaser and it is very annoying. I just cant seem to help it,atm, but I am working on getting rid of that because like you said, it is not good for the heart.
it manifests as an eating disorder in me lol and hence the heart disease.!!!
I need to do what pleases me regardless of worrying what people think
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