Lately I’ve been trying not to think. It can’t be avoided obviously, but the way I usually think about things I’ve decided is pointless. The challenge is trying to occupy myself (meaning my brain) in a way that doesn’t produce pointless thoughts. Right now I’m just sitting here staring at the forum, but I feel as if this is a waste of time. It’s my day off, and I need this day to rest, and usually I would read some heady stuff that would get me thinking, but I’m so impotent mentally that thoughts are like looking at porn with erectile dysfunction, it stirs something inside but ultimately only frustrates. Not being impotent mentally means one can actualize one’s thinking, such as writing a book or article or giving a talk that people appreciate or something else that presses the pleasure/ reward button in the brain. It could be for meaning too where one finds that life has been made more meaningful by the thoughts, but in my case I find thoughts that I have developed on certain topics are only meaningful to me and seem alien to others. I could enroll in some courses in college or university, but I work fulltime and don’t have time or energy to do coursework, nor do I really have interest in jumping through those kinds of hoops anymore. Someone might suggest trying to overcome my impotence, but that is simply easier said than done. I have no real motivation to do anything with thoughts, and some thoughts I have only make me angry at the world and others. Ultimately I am fatalistic about things and really think there is no purpose or meaning to anything, and any thoughts that indict the world and others will eventually be satisfied by their ultimate destruction anyway despite my own impotence. So I guess for now it will just be sitting and staring at things during my downtime, and passively working to keep my fool mind quiet.
I’ve struggled with this a lot. I used to love deep diving into philosophy, but for around a year I have not been able to. Much of what you describe has been a constant for me, and it’s not my normal self.
Your posts always frustrate me for this reason. I’m intrigued, but can’t contribute. I feel I’ve lost the part of my mind I love the most.
I don’t mean to offend, and I don’t have an answer, but I do recognize this struggle.
Sounds like you should do some mindfulness meditation. It has a similar goal to clear your mind.
I read something the other day about anxiety often being thinking about thinking. I don’t know if that resonates with you but I thought it was an interesting idea.
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