Hey, i watch some videos here and i realize how the world changed since i am isolated. Of course that for all these 17 years i was watching tv, reading some stuff on internet, reading books but my life was basically nonexistent besides that… and now, i want to start to live. That’s why i put this in the section of ‘‘health and recovery’’.
I still find my illness strange. I don’t know other sz who were non-lifers to this point since 17 years… Its a pity that my illness took mostly my social skills. and this, since kid 
… I sometimes believe that i suffer from some mental retardation cause i really often lack ideas and reason on lot of things. I even ignore my sexuality to be honest… But i want to fight.
Just try to guess how many time you give me to feel something instead of being dumb like this? How many years,maybe, to feel alive again with less worries and with better emotional balance? I know its almost impossible to answer, but play here without limits. Yes, its been 17 years where i live between 4 walls the most of the time(sometimes i go out yes, but theres no stability in that)…
For those who don’t want to guess, please tell me that i can recover simply after so much time being a prisoner…
will i need 17 more years to recover? It looks to me a hell this…
It isn’t the time but the place and people you should worry about which is worrying me. Maybe one day you’ll find that happiness somewhere.
Life can be beautiful, especially if you don’t have this illness. On the other hand, some people with severe mental illness lead very full lives. I refer to myself because I have nothing else to reference besides my own thoughts. My happiness is very dependent on not having symptoms, and I get windows where this happens and I am almost orgasmically happy as a result. When I suffer from symptoms, like you, which is most of the time, I feel terrible to varying degrees. I believe we both feel this way because we cannot think normally or feel good. If you have ever had a remission of symptoms you would know what I’m talking about.
I believe our quality of life is impacted by the types of symptoms we suffer from and the degrees to which we suffer. ‘Suffer’ is an important word here, by using it I’m implying that my experience of symptoms has usually been suffering, not simply ‘experiencing’ as you would experience a nice outing or other potentially enjoyable activity. To me, my sz symptoms are almost synonymous with suffering. I think that, if you can overcome the symptoms which make it hard for you to think and experience life, then you can achieve some level of happiness.
Yes, gorrister, i was mostly suffering in the past. I guess though most of the part of this past state was a mistake of mine… I was drowning in my suffering. But since 6 months i try not to get desperate. But i am afraid i suffer from some form of mental retardation… How will i be able to recover from such a thing? I don’t have good imagination, my spirit is always low…my brain is a mess really. I have strong physical manifestation of the illness, its a problem when its so physical…I feel my brain in my head you know, cause i ruminate too much but only dumb things… I think i was bugging before, but all the isolation took me where i am now… whatever… Maybe the light will strike me faster than i imagine cause i try now more than before …
Idk if i am right to live myself as an ‘‘ex prisoner’’ who was put in the real world after many years of isolation… I don’t want to recover after getting too old you see…
One of the symptoms of sz is cognitive impairment. These symptoms, as well as the rest can all contribute to you feeling incapable of many mentally demanding tasks. Mental retardation is a different thing. If you mean that you cannot think clearly, or feel slowed down, those are common effects of the illness.
Idk, i literraly don’t have ideas sometimes or i cant understand some things. In my file of my ‘‘dear’’ hospital here it was written that my memory and my intellect are pathologically suppressed… I guess they treated me literally as dumb yeap … But i know many have those issues…
But am i like this cause i lived as a prisoner for 17 years? But i guess, no, isn’t it? The normies don’t degrade like this, no? wow…
and thank you for answering me, gorrister, i like you too 
Ill try to make some better photos one day .
The internet has given us a great opportunity to connect with those who share the struggle.
Well I can’t give you a timetable but I will share that I’ve also been a prisoner though not by location but by fear. The fear of not meeting a checklist of criteria that society says I need to be content. The fear of not disclosing my sexual orientation to my grandparents who supported me through thick and thin. The fear of the unknown.
I feel I need to do two things before I can move on, I need to forgive and I need to take the chance of getting hurt.
I feel we both can recover. Our prison cells are only made of sugar.
I’m still isolated - in my room almost all the time excepting mealtime and chores. Going to a gym gets me out a little for a short time and without too much sociability required. I’m over 70 years old so I can’t guess if the veil will ever lift entirely. To me, it requires energy more than anything else.
Well, i am not well now again after passed 18 hours at home… I just went out today for five minutes. But i wanted to say that i find sometimes this forum made more for the lucky szs… you all smile on the photos, you all look good. I think somebody in pain cant do this 
. Idk anymore what i have, but i live in my head and its painful. Its also painful to always fight… and unfortunately, i start to find the meds useless for me… I need them just in order to eat and to be out of my bed. But on my mental, they are not a help at all. Is it possible to take meds since 10 years and to be on the same place??? Grrh…
Keep fighting @Anna1
Keep posting here
When do you see doctor again
A lot of us are struggling on here
Hi Anna, I have not really been out of the house for 9 years.
I have never spoken to anyone on Facebook, but sometimes I look at pictures of the people that I used to know, and what surprise me most is how old everyone looks, and how little kids are now adults.
Hi @Simonw, i know for you yeap … My physical shape is bad. How are you on this? Even if ill recover eventually, ill have problems with my physical shape… 17 years of inactivity… i wont be able to do sooo many things… Plus in my illness, sometimes the physical effort increase some of my symptoms, you know…
Lately i fight my damn thoughts, but i wish i feel a little bit calmer. This night again i am ruminating to the point that i have headaches… There’s the Zyprexa ‘‘kick’’ thing in here who is the cause a bit…
My illness is painful, people… In the day i am relatively ok, but in the night its hell. It will be good if i stop raging against my destiny, but i am worried for my future. I don’t want to end alone and crazy…
its a lot 17 years… I want to recover, I am really fed up of feeling as ■■■■!!!.. 
My socializing is to such a point now that its unbelievable… For all these years I was dumb cause knowing only the going down… Never up… My ill friends are out there and they don’t care how do they talk or act. while me, I am over awared, I hate this!
Do you believe in my recovery, folks? Mostly by efforts?
Hi Anna, I would like to be your friend very much.
I don’t mind that you are overweight and have anxiety and paranoia.
Things you need to know about me are, I have a tracheostomy and stoma-bag, and I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and Psychopathy.
I have a girl’s brain and a young mental age.
I would never leave my wife for anyone else.
The only good things about me are that I never bear a grudge and I am very loyal and I can keep a secret.
Take care, Simon.
I think almost anyone can recover with the right attitude. It’s all about taking baby steps and finding small things that you can do, then moving on to the bigger things until life doesn’t seem so scary anymore.
Oh, I hope its the case that there is possibility to stabilize myself. I am fed up by all my sensations which are some kind of false beliefs, but they have physical manifestation in my case… Like fear, shaking, weakness in the legs and in the hands, heart pressure etc etc. I want to be free. Who else thinks that I need time also?
I wasn’t such a coward in the past, really. But maybe the isolation made its damages.
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