I perform very highly in academic and work situations. Also I learn very quickly in social situations in professional (strictly) situations. However, I fail (FAIL) in every emotional aspect of life. I’m as dumb as they come in regards to emotions, or less accurately -street smarts. Why. I would trade it in a second. Actually that’s a lie. I’m so messed up that I would prefer no other humans on the planet. No way I can be hurt or miss the joke then.
I’m just ruminating over stuff, because I’m 22 and haven’t had a friend since grade 6. My family is so far away too. I live alone. People in the building do not like me. I swear I’m something not yet labeled. Whatever I am, there be no love for people like me.
I use to think the same way, I’m also highly intelligent who does well academically and work will in a working environment. But when it comes to my emotions I was a wreck so it took my intelligence to teach myself that I am in control of my emotions. Part from taking my medication I studied how to work through my sz not around it. I learned that feeling that people don’t like or love me weren’t true. It was just my emotions and brain controlling me. As soon as I started fighting back with my brain and taking control thinks got easier and better. Now don’t get me wrong I still of some bad days but it isn’t impossible for me to have more good days.
I don’t let people in, I tell them what they NEED to hear not what they want. I’m open about my schizophrenia but I’m also strong and firm about who I really am.