Personal Story That Might Be Useful To Anyone Having Trust Issues.

Let Me Start With Being Diagnosed. My Mom Told Me Of A Story Of Someone In My Family Being Diagnosed With Schizophrenia & I Was Clueless. Never Really Thought Much About It On My Own, (Because It Didn’t Make Any Sense). But!, It Was Embedded Into My Psyche.

Many Years Later I Was Diagnosed Myself.

After My Mom Got Me Included Into The System, I Began To Go To The Clinic I Still Am Going To Now. It’s Been Some Years, And Some Battles, Some Trust Issues, Some Strange Universe, Some Study, Some Loss, And Some Gain.

First, To My First Therapist, Then To My Doctor, Then To Another Doctor, Then To Some Group Therapy, And All Of Thus In A Continued Cycle. All The Way To My Second Therapist.

My First Therapist Recommended My First Medications, To My Doctor, Which Was Zyprexa.

I Remember Sitting In The Living Room With The Box Of Med’s, And Reading The Side Effects, And The Whole Thing Made Me Nervous.

And So, Over Some Time (After Concerns To My Doctor), I Was Prescribed Invega.

My First Therapist Showed Me The First Schizophrenic Forum I Decided To Be Apart Of.

It Ended Pretty Terrible After Some Odd Time, (On The Forum), And My First Therapist Disappeared.

I Ended Up Not Taking My Med’s And I Had No Therapist To Talk Too, Nor Did I Trust The System In Any Way. In Which I Ended Up Getting Injections From A Nurse That Worked Inside The Clinic. It Was A Horrendous Experience And That Pathe Ended Up, To Many Trials And Errors, Into Many Dead Ends.

After A Letter To The President At That Time, My Next Visit With The Doctor Was Where She Asked If I Wanted Pills Or Injections. I Said, ‘Pills’.

Then I Ended Up With A New Therapist. My Mom Had Passed Away, (She Got Me Into The System), A Few Years Later, My Dad Passed Away, My Family Disappeared Completely, And I Ended Up Deeper Into The System.

Now On The Subject Of Trust, I Realized That The System Isn’t Perfect, But!, It’s Trying.

And If We Listen, Speak, Compromise, And Find The Spark Of Trust, In Ourselves, And Each Other. There Will Always Be A Way. For A Hopeful, Promising, Well Intended Future.

For Our Mind, Body, And Spirits. (And Whether Or Not You Are Spiritual, The Word ‘Spirit’, Is Up To You).

If You Don’t Agree With Something, Bow Your Head In Defeat Gracefully. It May Affect Your Ego, But!, What Is It You Are Actually Losing?. Ask Logical Questions, Consider Your Options, Speak Honestly, From Your Heart, And Listen Intuitively.

The System Is Trying. In Which, I Can’t Express That Enough.

Because In The End, It Will All Work Out. With A Little Bit, Of Commonsense, Intuition, Peaceful Instincts And Hope, Love, And Peace.


As Thom Yorke’s Wife Said, ‘If You Try The Best You Can, The Best You Can Is Good Enough’.

If You Have Any Questions Feel Free To Ask!.


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:

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The White Stripes~ ‘Seven Nation Army’. (In Dedication To My Mom & You Reader). L.O.V.E.

Radiohead~ ‘Kid A’. (In Dedication To All You Strange Music Lovers).


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:

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When Faced With Two Doors. One Door, The Correct Choice. The Next Door, The Incorrect Choice.

With Your Wise Commonsense As Your Guide, It Usually Is Apparent, Which Door Would Be Helpful. And Which Door Would Be Harmful.

If You Begin To Make Correct Decisions For Your Mind, Body, Aura, And All Of Your Circuits Of Energy. Including Your Past, Present, And Future Shadow.

You May Begin To Start Trusting Yourself Again.

In Which, Will Begin A Space Where You May Be Able To Start Trusting Those Outside Of Yourself. In Which Will Bring You To A More Comfortable, Positive Atmosphere, And Environment.

In The End, You May Be Able To Look At Your Past, (Be It One Day, Or One Year), And Be Proud Of Yourself. Without The Need Of Someone, Or Something To Admit That They Are Proud Of You As Well. Either Or, You Will Be Brought To A New Level Of Trust. In Thus Spiraling Pyramid Of Parallel Hope, Love, And Peace.

Trust…, A Coin Tossed In The Air…, Good Luck…, Wish You Well…, Get Better Soon!.


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam Dream (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:

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If You Don’t Know Who You Truly Are. Are Unable To Wake, Face The Mirror, And Examine The Shadow Within The Reflection. Beyond Flesh. Beyond Temptation. Beyond Clothing, Or Stylish Production. You May Find It Difficult, To Find The Door That Can Lead Your Steps Towards The Future Of Trusting Yourself Reasonably.

If You Let Your Hopeless Guard Down. Meaning, Finding Alternate Routes Of Affection. Not In Human Touch. Not In Human Acceptance From Outside Sources. Not In How “great”, Or, How “sad”, You Look To The Possibly Unusual Environment. And Odd Places Of Resources You Have Discovered That In Which, Has Become Helpful For Your Personal Survival.

Erasing What Harms, With Commonsense As Your Hopeful Guide.

Trust Is An Elusive Creature. But!, With Truth, As The Foundation For New Beginning’s. Your New Psychological Rebirth Can Show You A Side Of The Universe You May Never Have Seen Before.

And It’s A Purely Positive One!.

That Much, I Can Assure You. No Tricks, No Treats, Jus Living.

A Brand New, Exclusive, Painting Of Existence.

That You Will Find Yourself, Happy, And Excited To Be Apart Of.


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:

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With All That I’ve Internally Sparked, (In The River Of Thought), Here For The SZ/SZA Witnesses. Like A Free Fountain, (As The Mirror Of Fairies In Zelda). I Proposed A Slight Brand New Exclusive Method To Use Commonsense As A Compass.

Upon The Endless Map Of Regaining, Or Finding New Focus, On The Subject Of Trust.

More Than Jus A Word. More Than A Painting. More Than A Song. More Than A Movie. More Than Any Class, Or Brand New Pair Of Glasses.

Although!, If These Words From The Past Of Endlessly Shifting Ideals, Finds External Comprehension. Like The Sun, In The Morning, Lifting Self Doubt, And!, Self Pity.

In Which Also Includes To Erase, Any Negative Form Of Metaphorical Self Sacrifice.

Trust Can Be Found In A Sphere Of A Reality Worth Giving A Fair Shot.

Sometimes, It May Feel As If The Word Trust Has No Honest Foundation. But!, I Have Pursued Trusts Trappings. And The Trapdoors Do Not Sit In Isolation. They Do Not Sit Among Self Realization. They Do Not Await In Self Secret Moral Comprehension.

Why Trust Anything, Or Anyone Anymore?, You May Have Asked.

The Answer Is Easy. If You Truly Love Yourself, (With No Blame On The Victim). But!, If You Still Have The Ability To Laugh. To Smile. To See Beauty In The Ocean. To Find Confusion In How The Trees Can Sit Still For Such A Very Long Time.

Like Wisdom, Trust Is Earned. Mistakes Can, And Almost Always Happen. So!, No Blame There. But!, Giving Up On Yourself Can Be Much More Painful Than Being Lied Too, Once Again,

Be Of Good Cheer!.

It Jus Takes Patience, In The Wand Of Time.


Thee Elusive Creature, Worth Searching!.


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:

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How Does One Capture The Ghost Of Trust’s Memory?.

  • 1:~ First Of All, What Does It Mean To Capture Something?. (To Have And To Hold)?.

  • 2:~ Second Of All, What Is A Metaphorical Ghost?. (An Elusive Shadow)?.

  • 3:~ And Third Of All, What Is A Memory Of Something Positive?. (Shared Laughter)?.

With These Strange Questions In The Center Of One’s Electric Thought Process. One Has To Remember, That Each And Every Individual Living, And Breathing On Planet Earth. Have Different Echo Vibrations Within Their Personal Sphere Of Existence.

That Is To Say: Not One Person Can Delete All That Has Defeated Someone Outside Of Their Sphere Without An Embrace Of Spiritual Purity. Not Saying That I Am, Or Have Become Unaware Of The Root Of Tree Branches, Leaves, Breeze, Wind, Storms, And The Essence Of Time’s Illusion Of Dishonesty. But!, I Am Only One Individual Myself.

So, As I Bow My Aura In Defeat To The Oxygen, And Process It Takes To Bring It Into My Cycle Of Bodily Experimentation Within The Confines Of Consumption. And Lack Thereof.

I Will Send These Thoughts To You Dear Reader. In Hope You Can Understand, That I Jus Explained The Admirable Question At Hand.

No Need For Clapping, Or Cheering.

For I Am A Modest Individual.

Have A Great Morning, Noon, Afternoon, Evening, And Or Night!.


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:


Trust. Hopeful, & Fun Trust…


Art. The Current Of Current Artist’s.

In Thus Special Presentation. I Shall Share Some Of My Favorite Musicians.

* &.) Grizzly Bear!.

* &.) Lady Gaga!.

* &.) CeeLo Green!.

* &.) Band Of Horses!.

* &.) Fleet Foxes!.

* &.) Pharrell Williams!.

* &.) Ludacris!.

* &.) Adam Levine (Featuring: Christina Aguilera (Another Favorite)!.

* &.) Bruno Mars!.

* &.) Andre 3000!.

* &.) Gnarls Barkley!. 

* &.) Vampire Weekend!.

* &.) Aphex Twin!.

* &.) Beach House!.

 * &.) Dirty Projectors!.

* &.) Animal Collective!.
  • &.) VICTORIA LEGRAND (!!!).


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:


Trust. (Trigger Warning).

Trusting The Sky. Trusting The Ground. Trusting That The Ocean Won’t Swallow Our Shores Into It’s Deeper Lands. Trusting That Our Vehicles Will Operate As Ordered. Trusting That There Is No Poison In The Food Supply, Or The Water Supply. Trusting That Our Medications Won’t Cripple Us. Trusting Our Doctors. Trusting Our Psychologists. Trusting Our Nurses. Trusting The Emergency Rooms. Trusting The Facilities. Trusting That The Trees Won’t Bury Our Homes During Chaotic Storms. Trusting Natural Disasters Will Get Relief From The Government. Trusting That Each Branch Of The Military Will Stay Alert And Keep Our Country Safe From Political Enemies. Trusting That The Police Force Will Keep Our Streets Calm & Peaceful. Trusting Our Mother’s. Trusting Our Father’s. Trusting Our Closest Friends. Trusting Trust. Trusting Words Like Trust. Trusting Truth. Trusting That Our Instincts Will Warn Us Of Actual Danger. Trusting That Our Inner/Outer Consciousness & Commonsense Will Make Sense. Trusting Our Guardians. Trusting Our Very Own Bodies. Trusting The Language Of Hopeful, Willing Participants Speaking Of Good News. Trusting The Media. Trusting Our Own Voice And It’s Honest Desire Within Usual/Unusual Inflection.


There Is So Much More That Can Be Said About Trust.

And!, If You, Dear Reader Are Actually Following Your Doctor’s Professional Advice On Taking Your Prescribed Medication. Perhaps…, You Can Add To Thus Humble List Of Trust.

Come And See!.


DJ NOSFERATU BEAT BEAM (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:

:chipmunk: :dog: :chipmunk:

:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:

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Looks Like I’m On My Own Out Here In The Land Of Isolation & Solitude. Deep In The Electric Webbing Of Internet Advice & Sanctuary.

Has Anyone Here That Isn’t Speaking To Me Ever Seen Stephen King’s Movie Called, PET CEMETERY?. I Know Everyone, At Least (By) Now Has Seen At Least One Of His Movies. Perhaps Read A Book Or Two.

Which Makes Me Wonder. Does Anyone Else Left Here On Thus Forum Read Books?. Since We’re Talking About Different Forms Of Art. Which Leads To The Notion That I Once Felt Slightly Insulted (By) Individuals Who Spent Most Of Their Time Reading Books. I Kinda Always Felt Like The Ones Who Endlessly Spend Their Casual Experiences On Earth Reading Letters Side (By) Side, Thought Of Themselves As People With Higher Intellect.

Elitist’s Perhaps. I Never Cared Much For The Library Anyways. The Silence Was Always Kinda Creepy. I Mean With Me, Music Is On 24/7. So Maybe I’m An Elitist Also.

So CHOOSE Forumers!. Books Or Music (!!!).

Jus Kidding.

I’m Bored.

Trust Is Good Everyone.


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:

Maybe it’s not the books because there’s some wisdom in reading. Boredom creates some strange bedfellows and I’ve found you like to jump around points to prove a point…is that an elitist approach?

Just saying…


Like Examining The Realm Of A Free Societies Potential In The Mastered Art Of Connectivity?.

I Suppose More Logically, Delusional Thinking. As Has Been A Flag Of Certainty By Professionals.

A Definition i Am Still Completely Unsure Of.

Something Like I Have Done Jus Now?.


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:

I like this old quote from a scientific book about chaos theory. To paraphrase because I don’t have it handy but if you can’t explain your theories to a ten year old then you’ve pretty much lost the game…

I think with most of your posts you are appealing to your own intellect rather than trying to be understood. Each to their own.


That Is A Interesting Statement, I Must Admit.

You See, In My Usual Sense Of Personal Activities Within The Illusion Of Existence. (Meaning It Shifts Constantly), Creates Sometimes Faulty Reasoning In The Middle Of An Ocean Of Silence.

Kinda Out Of My Hands. Kinda.

Point Is, I Spend A Good Portion Of My Isolation Speaking With My Voices. Listening To Music. And Writing My Own Song’s With The Attempt To Match All Of The Artist’s I Truly Admire. AND TRUST!.

But!, All Kidding Aside. I Have Delved Into The Awareness Of Strange Self Appeal Within The Void Of Personal Trial & Error For Many Years.

And Found A Song (By) A Band That Once Followed Me On Twitter Many Years Ago.

And That Is!.., THE FLAMING LIPS!.

They Once Recorded A Song Called ‘Ego Tripping’ If I Remember The Title Correctly.

And It Brought Much Needed Like In The Vast Cosmic Ocean Of Self Awareness.

So To Put It Bluntly, I’m Not Ego Tripping, As Wayne Coyne Would Proclaim.

I’m Bored Seeking Shelter & A Possible New Friend Here In A Website Designed To Give The Attendee A Place To Freely Express Themselves.

To Give Help. And To Receive Help. But!, You, As A Moderater Are Probably Already Aware Of That.

You Bring A Good Point, Keeps It Cools!.


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:

Wasn’t being critical to a degree. I deal with language and it’s fluid and quick. I find most interactions to be short and sweet and you can still do a lot of meaning and messaging in those times.

As I said. Each to their own. I think you’ve some good things to say but they get lost most times in the syntax. It’s all cool…just makes your audience work harder for your meaning and honestly I’m a busy beaver and I like straight to the point posts. I have things to do than wade through certain piles of text…

Well. Dear Sir, Feel Free To Ignore My Posts.

I’m Not Doing Any Harm.

And That Much I Can Assure You.

Keeps It Cools!.


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:

N e Hoo.

Dear Audience & Wanderers.

Between The Different Creative, Hopeful Scenes. That Exist Within The Globe.

Which Is The Type You Trust The Most?.

A Question For The Deep Thinkers. Out Here In The Land Of Individuality & Courage.

  • Music
  • Movies
  • Paintings
  • Architecture
    & (OR)
  • Books

What Do You Really, Really, Really Trust (???).


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:


Silence…, Whatever Shall I Do?.., It…, Is…, So…, Dark In Thus Thread.

Come One!, Come All!.

And Discover The Metaphorical Magician, Princess, &, Wizard You Have In Your Beautiful Heart!.

Okokok…, I’ll Take It Easy.

Jus Kidding Friends.

But!, The Question Still Stands.

I Mean…, It’s A Good Question Right?.



DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog:


Do You Dear Forum Participant.

Trust Snoop?.

Makes You Wonder Doesn’t It.


The Deep Thinker Thread Has Arrived!.


DJ Nosferatu Beat Beam (sleepoptimistic)
:dog: :chipmunk: :dog: