Trophy wife

People in my family make fun of me by calling me a “trophy wife” because I don’t work.

Right now money is getting tighter as it is with everyone,

I need to work.

My husband says I should if I can, but no pressure.

I feel pressure.

I need to pay for my own things and contribute a little.

It’s on my mind all the time.

This is why my house is so clean.

Because I’m constantly trying to earn my keep and that’s the only way I can feel like I am.

I really don’t think I can work,

And I’m afraid to try.

I don’t want to get fired or rage quit again.

It’s a terrible feeling.

He says it’s an equal partnership.

But he makes all the money.

All I do is smoke, clean and cook all day.

Also play video games and chat with friends and watch infomercials.

Really makes me feel like ■■■■ when he as to work though lunch because he’s so busy and I’m goofing around.

Anyone know how I feel?

What should I do?


Try a bit of volunteer work and see how that goes. Great way to dip your toe in the water without the pressure of a job.


This is a good idea. I understand how you feel. Since I started getting brain lesions that the drs haven’t figured out yet for years, I have memory and learning problems that just get worse with time. So I don’t think I can work. I’ve tried since being disabled and I’ve failed. It sucks to be completely dependent on others. I totally get it.


My husband has some paid volunteer time from his employer,

So he said he’d go with me the first couple days of volunteering.

Honestly, I’m afraid of embarrassing him.

He works with a lot of charities and places I’d be volunteering and I don’t want to make an ass of myself or be a bad worker.

I don’t want to start burning bridges in a new town.


I understand. That’s a tough situation. I wouldn’t want to burn bridges either.

You are a person with a severe illness. Sure, try to work or perhaps study something. But don’t put pressure on yourself. I know, if I could work, then I would.

Stress triggers me so I really can’t do anything. SZ is a sad story! :frowning:

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Work program can be a option where they assess if and how much you can work. That’s how I got the job I have today. It’s just a temp job. Maybe I work 20% average a year.


But…you DO work.

Caring for a spouse and home is a full time job itself. You don’t get vacation time or sick days.

I think you need to reframe your view of what you actually do and give yourself more credit.


Thank you.

And my husband has said similar things.

I just really feel the need to earn.

Cost of living has really gone up and I feel like I’m wasting my experience and education not making money.


What she said. I told my wife the same when I was the sole income provider.


Wanting to utilize your education is fine. Just don’t feel as if you aren’t contributing.


If you’re doing the best you can in the day you’re in then you’re winning. Can’t ask more of a person than that.


Nope but I’m sure you’re appreciated.i wish I had a trophy wife.

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Yeah, I agree that you do work by doing things around the house, but if you dont feel you can work in a job setting, and you feel you need to earn some money, maybe you could do some temp work for people you know.

My dad is retired but still mows lawns, for example. Cleaning houses or similar things, maybe even just for people you know, might be an option? Anything like that? Or maybe an at home business like Daze? Dog sitting? I don’t know, I’m just brainstorming.

I’m assuming that you have already tried for disability at some point?

Edit: PS, not trying to insult your education with these suggestions or anything, just trying to come up with some things you can do that wouldnt be too much pressure.


You do realize that calling someone a trophy wife is an insult?


What is your education and experience in, if you dont mind sharing? Maybe there is a way to get a work from home job in that field.


I would say, focus on what you can do, and don’t worry about the things that you can’t do. If you can be a stay at home wife, and that’s what you want to do, then do that. If you can work some, then work. Just don’t beat yourself up if you feel like you should be doing something that you are not. Just focus on where you are now, and what you are able to do now. I think you are a terrific housewife, and you embrace that role very well. So don’t sell yourself short as others are also saying. I’ve been a stay at home wife and mother since 2009 and love it. Sometimes I work part time, but not always. Because of COVID, there are alot more opportunities to work from home. So if you want to try something like that, you could. It just depends on your skills and what you’d like to do.


I have an English degree.

I’ve worked as a writer,

But mostly managing medical offices for some reason.

Seems to be where I settled in the most.


Medical coding is something you could do from home, I think. There’s a real need for that.


Maybe some editing work? This is something you could do from home. COuld maybe even set up a website and use paypal for payment? I may be stretching a bit here. Just trying to come up with some ideas.