Triggering situation

There is a kind of triggering situation. I can’t explain it in short, sorry.

Someone is getting a bit creepy. It’s this 20 year older guy I know vaguely because we sat next to each other at the library computers a few times and had a few chats.

He asked me one day to have lunch in town when we met in the library. He said he meant it in a totally non-romantic way. I said yes, non-romantic is fine, some other day (stupid…I’m naive, I always believe such things). We never made an appointment, I didn’t come in the library last 1.5 months and he only has my firstname and the organisation I work for (which is a big organisation).

So…now he wrote me a postcard with his telephone number and delivered it at my work! :frowning: He wrote that he also looked for my bicycle in town and put a postcard on one that looked like mine. And he asked someone who used to go to my church about me, I can’t even remember telling him about which church I go to.

We bumped into each other accidently in town this weekend and I told him on second account i didnt want lunch. I told him I dont want to be friends and I don’t want a relationship and I don’t want postcards at work because it’s intrusive and scary to me. He just kept on talking and talking and saying how he hoped we could have a relationship later. I said bye and biked away.

Now… today… I received 2 more postcards at work. They were dated from before our conversation. They were scary… like very intimate letters you send to your partner… and we barely know eachother… I didn’t even remember his name. It was about how I could very well be the one for him, how he wanted someone to come home to, how he’d go all the way for me, etc etc. He was extensively talking about my son in the letter too, whom he has seen once in library, saying he would go all the way for my son as well.

I have a history of a somewhat stalkative relationship… so I don’t like it at all.

I immediately walked to my boss to ask advice on what I should do. He read the card, said he thought the tone of the letter was very creepy, even so creepy that he called our neighbourhood policeman and recommended to let some befriended lawyer write a letter that I don’t want further contact.

I find it creepy. I don’t want this. And I’m thinking very actively of what else I told him. Am I overreacting?

no you are not overreacting.

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No you are not over reacting. Too many people make and female dont know how to respect boundaries. If it continues get a restraining order of you can.

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You’re not overreacting. Your boss did the right thing.


Thanks guys. Sometimes I just really don’t know anymore what’s normal and what’s not. I just really find him so creepy… I don’t want intimate love letters by some stranger, who is looking all over town for me… that’s not good for a woman with paranoid tendencies… :frowning:

I am superscared now of what else I told him, I cant remember if I told him stuff about my neighbourhood, or at which school my son is, or something like that. I really hope i was smarter than that a few months ago.

Man, stay safe. I got a tazer just be aware of the
Your settings. I hope he leaves u alone.

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Get some pepper spray

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No you’re not overreacting. You should ask the police to talk to him. Meanwhile you could see about getting a personal protection order against him

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sounds like he is not respecting your boundaries; through no fault of your own. you were civil and upfront with him.

sounds like your getting some help getting it taken care of (a lil jealous you have some good resources like that).

sounds like he’s trying to be romantic and is not taking things in perspective of considering both people involved instead of just himself. you didn’t do anything wrong.

follow through with the help your friends have set up and take care of yourself. that’s all you can do. soon enough you can put this behind you and might make a funny story some day when it seems less scary.

be safe

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Thanks. I do think he has romantic intentions, he doesnt seem to have evil intentions. But he indeed disrespects my boundaries and doesnt seem to see me and empathize with me. He kind of announces that im the one and that he goes all the way for us, but he doesnt seem to see that i too have a say in this and i dont like it. He was also monologing while ignoring my repeated and direct words that i was not interested and wanted to go away (until i just biked away in the middle of his story). I think he lacks social understanding, more than being evil. Lets hope so.

Oh well. I am indeed happy with the connections to police & lawyer and i will use them to send a clearer message.

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good outlook. spot on. :wink:

hoping for the best outcome for you. let us know.

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Thanks. I will.

The cop who is responsible for this little area of town, found it weird as well. The weird guy isn’t known yet at the police for more such things though, which is a relief. The police adviced me to send a very clear letter that I want no contact. I did. If the guy initiates any further contact now, the neighbourhood police will visit him and tell him to stop contacting me. Hurray.

next step… nailed it.

hopefully the guy takes the hint and parts ways like respectable people do.

glad things are going your way. hopefully it’s the last of it.

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Ah. The police says he is not known for stalking, but he is known there for other stuff, like “confused behaviour” (which is the eufemism they use here to describe someone who is psychotic or otherwise disconnected from reality). I wondered already if he’d be somewhere on “my” spectrum.

So hes a freak then ?

Just as much as me, I guess, my police file says the same. :wink:

But seriously: no, being schizophrenic or autistic or whatever it is doesn’t make him a freak. But it might be a reason he is not interpreting reality right - that he doesnt see we are not in a relationship and I don’t like receiving love letters all through town from him. It might be an explanation for odd behaviour, I too behaved very oddly in my more psychotic periods and misinterpreted peoples behaviour.

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Do u think people reported u to the popo

Yes, I am sure they did - my own parents did, when the ward didn’t act on their calls, and the police brought me to the ward. I’ve also been picked up from a train station in another city because I sat there from afternoon till night on a bench and refused to move or talk or respond. They brought me to a police cell for that. And I’ve ran away from the ward a couple of times and had the police looking for me.

I do hope my neighbours and others I know never reported me to the police though. I was mainly catatonic/frozen or running away, not really causing trouble in the neighbourhood or so.

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