I do have a history of trauma. I experienced trauma twice to my knowledge in my teens. I also have a history of traumatic amnesia, completely blocking out said traumatic experiences from my conscious memory. I lived, as far as I remember, for nearly a decade with no memory of my trauma until the flashbacks began. What made it all the more difficult to decipher was that when the memories came back so did the false memories, the saga of Alexander Struck by Lightning as I call it.
But it was in the end possible to weed out the false from the real. Especially that all it took was the googling of a name, a name I will not speak, a name that at one point in my life I could not even hear if spoken to me, to drive home the reality of my trauma. It was all there just as I remembered it, that face, that house, everything. I blacked it all out as I could not hold it in my mind. I don’t know how the false memories began but I know they had something to do with my dissociation.
My problem now is that while I have this incredibly traumatic memory I can not speak of it, not in any detail, certainly not to a therapist or doctor. I have spoken of it to a friend, but that was only of some minimal help to me. The problem is that the matter is yet to be resolved in this world and I doubt I could be of much help anyway, but talking to someone, especially someone who deals with such trauma, I know could be of help…
I guess for now I wait and see.
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That sounds very heavy and much to deal with and sort through.
My false memories and blocked memories are all a result of my breaks with reality and what I did. That is what is coming up for me… not nearly has heavy or as hard to sort through since I have lucid family that was there at the time.
I’m hoping that little by little you can sort through this and find some peace. I’m not saying spill it all. But maybe get some help over coming the trauma of this. Maybe treat the trauma… If you can… with out pulling up the entire root system.
I wouldn’t even know what to suggest when dealing with something that sounds that immense. Good luck and I’m sorry you have to fight this.
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I’m a trauma survivor myself. And the best thing I did for myself was get treatment.
Treatment consists primary of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, coupled with medications. There’s an entire arsenal of medications that have proven to be effective through extensive studies.
These range from benzodiazepines, to antipsychotics, to off-label blood pressure medications.
Coupled with CBT, these medications have proven to make the experience of reliving the trauma significantly easier and less emotional than therapy alone.
I would recommend you seek treatment as soon as possible. Do you really want to carry around this HUGE weight for the rest of your life?
Trust me: recovery and healing ARE possible. And there’s a better life awaiting you.
Blessings,
Anthony
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hi there it can be useful to work through this with a therpist im not telling you what to do but that type of trauma can be kept in a tight box in our hearts a can of worms you want to put the lid back on but you have to let the worms wriggle out and die. no judgement from therapists and can offer you the best advice on how to deal with it i think i have PTSD from being born well that nurse slapped me pretty hard LOL
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