I do have a history of trauma. I experienced trauma twice to my knowledge in my teens. I also have a history of traumatic amnesia, completely blocking out said traumatic experiences from my conscious memory. I lived, as far as I remember, for nearly a decade with no memory of my trauma until the flashbacks began. What made it all the more difficult to decipher was that when the memories came back so did the false memories, the saga of Alexander Struck by Lightning as I call it.
But it was in the end possible to weed out the false from the real. Especially that all it took was the googling of a name, a name I will not speak, a name that at one point in my life I could not even hear if spoken to me, to drive home the reality of my trauma. It was all there just as I remembered it, that face, that house, everything. I blacked it all out as I could not hold it in my mind. I don’t know how the false memories began but I know they had something to do with my dissociation.
My problem now is that while I have this incredibly traumatic memory I can not speak of it, not in any detail, certainly not to a therapist or doctor. I have spoken of it to a friend, but that was only of some minimal help to me. The problem is that the matter is yet to be resolved in this world and I doubt I could be of much help anyway, but talking to someone, especially someone who deals with such trauma, I know could be of help…
I guess for now I wait and see.