Totally forlorn

[Flutterby]

I just feel there is no point to my existence.

All my family is indifferent. Apparently I’m just too much hard work to have a relationship with. If I’m not your servant, running around doing favours and errands for you, or giving you unconditional emotional support & validation (which I provide but never get in return which makes me mad) then I don’t exist.

My friends are the same. Who wants to be friends with, not only a sz who is disconnected from reality but, a borderline personality disorder who apparently is such a pain in the arse emotionally that you can only dump problems on her but never give any support back?

I’m at a loss. I read this article recently by a borderline sufferer, “H.O”, who’s managed to become a qualified psychologist. She’s defend the borderlines’ plight to the rest of the psychologists’ world. She said for us, our expectations are enormous & can never be met by a society that is largely indifferent & if not is hostile.

Whoa. Indifferent, hostile? WOW. Really?

Any more sz borderlines out there that can validate me?

With respect to those that have lived thu life-threatening illnesses, she said she’d rather have terminal illness than borderline because at least with a terminal illness your emotions are validated & your emotional needs are met because people believe & value your emotions.

Against all odds I have 2 good, casual jobs. I don’t got no shifts for 4 days. I believe my siblings are indifferent to me in current day and to the past abuse (even tho they witnessed it in real time and I spent all my pocket money on lollies trying make them feel ok at the time). So who can I turn to for validation?

I’m just a useless basket case taking up space. I look after my cat well but apart from that I serve no purpose.

[everhopeful]

@Flutterby , I’m sorry you’re feeling so down.

If it’s any consolation I too wish I had support from my family. My relationship with my family is ok so long as I’m doing ok and that’s left a bad taste in my mouth. It’s like they’re a fair weather family really.

It’s pretty cool that you can hold down 2 jobs.

But yeah. Mental illness sometimes means you’re almost on your own.

[anon39054230]

I work part-time but I’m still looked down upon by my wife’s side of the family.

“Oh, he’s lazy…he should work more”

I have Schizophrenia fcs! Walk a mile in my shoes, before judging me! Many people with this affliction can’t work or live on the streets. At least I’m contributing as best I can.

I know my limitations. I’ve tried working full-time hours and I eventually crashed every time.

[anon39054230]

And I’ve never sought validation from anybody. I’ve always been comfortable in my own shoes.

At some point you reach an age where you just become who you truly are…and hell be damned to those who treat you indifferently or in an unkind manner.

[Flutterby]

thank you @everhopeful for your kind words. I appreciate your reply as I rarely find kindness in the world. It’s true, mental illness leaves you on your own.

I guess there aren’t many borderline sz’s out there.

[Flutterby]

@anon39054230

And I’ve never sought validation from anybody. I’ve always been comfortable in my own shoes.

yeah mate, that’s not how it works with BPD. It’s caused by chronic, sadistic abuse by the primary care-giver throughout the developmental years, aka mother dear. Being chronically invalidated & gaslighted causes permanent brain damage and insanity. If you don’t empathise that’s fine but don’t tell me my trauma history isn’t real & that my experience isn’t valid to express here.