Today is December 30th… This makes it year 6 officially. Six years ago today I almost managed to actively leave this life. But my then 12 year old sis found me, called 911, did CPR and rescue breathing and first aid and I made it.
When I woke up in hospital after what I had done to myself and I could see how freaked out my family was, something in my head finally shifted. It was my honest to goodness second and last chance I had to stay sober, stay off drugs, take my meds, go to therapy without argument, understand that my family really was trying to help me, and that I needed to manage my sz instead of IT managing me.
I’m still here, and MAN am I grateful. I know there are others in the world who are so sad and angry about having SZ. I get angry at how much cognitive ability I’ve lost and how my day feels harder then “normal” people. But it passes. I am SO happy to still be alive.
My family treats today as the turning point. We sort of celebrate it as the day I finally got my head out of my butt and decided to live.
It took a bit to get the meds right, but when that fell into place… Wow, what an amazing six years it’s been. (the last two especially have been really surprising.) Sure, there are some glitches and some new gifts from my head circus, but for the most part… I’m having the time of my life.
Many positive things have come out of my darkest times. As I stay alive, I get to see how much better it can get. So today I’ll burn some items of negativity from that dark day, spend today with my family and thank them for standing by me still, and appreciate the fact that I’m still here.