Thoughts whirring round my head *Trigger warning


I’m really tired and not feeling great as I’ve caught a cold, so maybe that’s why. But I can’t stop thinking about death. It just seems so unfair that we are given life only to have it snatched away from us again. Don’t get me wrong, I am not afraid of dying, it seems like a welcome relief from life. I just can’t stop thinking that in 10 or 15 or 20 years my dog will die, my parents, some of my friends, I just don’t know if I want to be around for all that pain. I would rather die soon myself than live to see the deaths of my dog and my loved ones. It sounds so selfish, that I would leave this world and cause them pain, but I don’t want to stay around and have to deal with the loss of my friends and family, and the devastation it causes for other family members. I guess that makes me a pretty f****d up person.


Try finding things to do that you enjoy and that give you a reason to live. You should also tell your pdoc how you’re feeling. Maybe you need an antidepressant or a higher dose of your antidepressant if you’re already taking one.


It’s the circle of life.


and it moves us all


I’m on sertraline but only 50mg, my psych nurse is coming on thurs, I’ll talk to him then. I thought I was getting better but the darkness is falling again. You’re right, @John_Raven, it is the circle of life, it just isn’t fair, and I don’t think I can handle it. I don’t understand how I can be laughing and joking one minute, then lost in blackness the next. I don’t think I deserve the excuse of depression. I don’t know what this is.


Do you take a mood stabilizer? If you’re up and down maybe that would help.


Yeah, I’m on lithium, it was increased recently, but I think you’re right, maybe my AD needs increasing. I’m so tired of this, something needs to change.


I know the feeling, I’ve had voices that tell me my family is going to die, this sets off the depressive thoughts that it isn’t worth it.

I have to sometimes remind myself that no one wants that fate for me, they want me to live my life and find happiness.

I sorry you’re suffering with this


I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. I, too, suffer with those thoughts. I’m always scared that my husband is going to die. I’m constantly afraid that he’s going to be hurt by someone or something. I’d want to die, too, if I ever lost him. That sounds horrible, but it’s true.

Maybe @Pianogal is right. I’m also on 50mg of Sertraline / Zoloft. Maybe an increase will help you? And me? I wish you luck. :purple_heart:


Thank you both for understanding, it makes me feel a little less crazy that I’m not alone in this. I’m torn between thinking things will change and getting caught up in this horrible cycle of thoughts. Really appreciate all your replies.


@OcelotKitty I worry about my husband dying too. I can’t seem to stop it.


I used to think that. Then, I felt at peace. Why? Everyone faces his or her mortality. And doesn’t want to be all alone…at least, none I know.

Tell those you care about how you feel TODAY. I adopted this, and have had several people pass. I encourage you to cherish those feelings.

Please, don’t worry. The what ifs can get you.


Usually some kind of life-after-death belief helps with those fears. Generally involves a God-belief too.


What I was trying to say without saying lol